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a thread on the subject:

Does age make a difference?

From: sweetdee (Original Message)

Sent: 1/24/2002 10:26 AM

Does age make a difference in how we as submissives actually submit to our Masters?

I think it does. Speaking as an older sub, I find myself not able or rather not willing to accept some of the stricter more controling aspects I see in some D/s relationships.

I can't imagine being miro-managed. Maybe it's because I spent so many years controling my own day to day life and I'm to set in my ways to want to change.

I know as submissives we tend to take on the ideals and ways of our Masters, just part of trying to please them I guess, after all that is what makes us happy. I know when I was looking for a Master I tended to 'look' for an older man. But young subs look for older men too. I see so many young subs willing to do or say anything for their Masters more so than the older submissive will, at least that is the impression I get from older subs. Each person is the result of not only his or her heredity but their environmental experiences too. This I think is what makes us who we are. So as the older sub has had more years to develop a wiser? more experienced outlook on life, more years become set in their ways, maybe it would take an older, more experienced Master to be able to understand her and bring out the totally submissive side of her. More of a challenge for the Master? More satisfaction hhmmm maybe not satisfaction but more pride and wonder, a sense of accomplishment, that only He after time and a lot of hard work, can bring this woman to the point of wanting to give him everything? Are we older submissives more selective in choosing our Masters? Could this be why many older Doms look for the younger subs to control?

lol just a few of my thoughts here, so what do you think?

dee

From: Toya

Sent: 1/24/2002 10:51 AM

Not sure I agree with you dee

I am an older sub, and I have a younger Master. He is 5 years my junior but that doesn't make him any less my dominant. In a lot of ways he is much wiser than I am even with all my extra years of experiencing life.

My main problem is my knees... old age is showing itself in them first lol. How is a slave to kneel without healthy knees pray tell?

I think what you are describing is not so much doms looking for younger subs but if they are, they are looking for an easy sub. (oh I can hear the men gasp). A more experienced submissive is a little harder to train into the ways of the dominant. She has previous training that may or may not be how the dom wants them to be. By training a new submissive they are able to mould and create their perfect sub from scratch without having to do the reformat job. *grin*

I think we need to look at definitions... if we make old = experienced and new = unexperienced your claims do indeed sound more valid. Its not an age thing as much as experience.

Just my 10 cents worth.

Toya

From: kalistar

Sent: 1/24/2002 6:12 PM

I am not old and not young. I know many older than me who are not as wise. I have had my share of life experiences. I do not claim to be the wisest, but my past experiences have made me very aware of what I want in a master. I do not think age is a factor in the D/s relationshipm or any relationship as long as the people involved have the love and respect that is needed to make the relationship work. However, for me myself, I would not easily submit to someone who was 5 to 10 years my junior only because I don't think the experience in the lifestyle or life itself or maturity is there. A Dom in his 20's needs to practice on someone his own age. I will pass. Looking at a Dom who is my age or 5 to 10 years older is in my realm of possibilities. Life experience is there and hopefull the maturity that goes with it.

I was told by a Dom in a chat room once, that he looked for younger subs because they would be his property. A younger sub had less health issues than an older one and they were easier to train when they came with less baggage. I smiled and sent that Dom on his way. But after talking to him I thought his outlook could also be something for a sub/slave to think about... An older Dom may have the experience and maturity one seeks to fulfill their needs in the lifestyle but for how long.... A commitment made to a Master while He is in good health would be one thing but an unhealthy Master would be something for the younger sub to really consider. A committed sub would then have to care for her Master's failing health.... Just another thought to put out there... and of course just my 22 cents... (*inflation)

kalista

From: selene

Sent: 1/25/2002 3:01 AM

OK - I don't consider myself 'young,' or particularly 'old' either. I do know that my life, and being a single parent for so many years in particular, does supercede any choices I make. I also know that while I am submissive, being a single parent will never allow me to be 'slave' in the strictest sense of the word. I've had MANY heated discussions regarding this issue. 'If you were truly meant to be slave..' 'If you were truly submissive....' 'If you were able to give your Master complete trust...'

I'm not sorry to say that NONE of those things apply when making decisions for my child. At fifteen, there are only a few more years left for the 24/7 aspects of parenting, but at no time do I feel a 'good' parent will give up all their decision making rights for their children. I don't think it's right, and I don't think it's in the best interest of anyone involved. Does this make me any less 'submissive?' Hardly!

I am set in my ways. My ways also happen to follow a traditional, albeit somewhat 'old-fashioned' outlook in some things. I have NO problem waiting on the man in my life hand and foot. I take great pleasure in serving him on every level. As some of you know, I am serving a Dominant who was originally looking only for slaves. As comfortable as we were together, and as much as we had in common, we both felt that the barriers were entirely too much to overcome. We amiacably split for a year.

Sept 11 had a profound effect on the entire world it seems. He contacted me shortly after the towers went down (within a day, or two) to check up on me, make sure that I was ok. Four months later....he still ultimately wants a slave, or two, in his home, but he's also accepted that he wants a submissive as his Alpha! No complaints here.

If a predominantly slave owner can accept an older submissive as a well-fit match, I really don't see how being 'set in my ways' is such a bad thing, or a detriment.

kisses,

selene

From: Lapis

Sent: 1/25/2002 12:20 PM

I think this whole discussion is fascinating..really. Hmmm...I was thinking though...Does a dominant get set in their ways too??I mean..I know they want things a certain way or what have you....but isnt every submissive different too? Hmm..i dont know if I am saying that well enough. I can understand how if a submissive has been with a few Dom/mes or maybe one for a very LONG time they might have definate habits from that/those experiences. But wouldn't a Dom/me also? They may be used to a submissive that they had for a LONG time also, and maybe the submissive hasnt really had that history but lots experience with a few Dom/mes...maybe the Dom/me takes things for granted?? How hard is it to adjust to a new Dom/me??Maybe thats all figured out before an actually committment...I would hope so at least. I just think to expect any submissive to relearn a whole new way might be very difficult and fustrating for both. And maybe a Dom/me has to learn again too..perhaps??

I am not ignorant to yes they have to learn new things I am just wondering is it difficult for the sub with this Dom/me??

ok I dont know..maybe someone can figure out what i mean...lol

lapis

From: little_pet101_Chance

Sent: 2/11/2002 2:08 PM

Just a thought..

I am young and a slave , my Master is older than I am . When we first started to talk age was not an issue , and it is not now. Yes, I heard all and listen to his friends ask him the question ..Why such a "Young One" , Sir.

I am young , but not a child. Sir Chance is not my first Master and i know more about real life , than online. My last Master was closer to my

age , and he took this girl from vanilla to D/s and BDSM , but mostly for his own pleasure. He broke my trust and my heart , something my Master would never do .Age is a part of life , we all get older . I choose to follow my heart and

be with the Master I love .

little_pet< Chance >

From: subsosweet_313

Sent: 2/11/2002 9:51 PM

The love for your Master should never be questioned or defended by you..............go with your heart pet...........and let Chance Master the rummies (winks)............lol........age, race, religion etc.......etc.......have nothing to do with that bond...........go sis and let your defenses about age rest (winks).........i wish you and Chance well..........and by the way............i live the age difference.......lol.........

On your side sis..........always a pleasure to speak to in the room.........so polite.........and a good topic (winks)

subsosweet_313

From: °šhê¤wô£f°

Sent: 2/17/2002 2:46 PM

While i do believe age is something that does need to be considered, not only in a BDSM relationship but any vanilla one as well, it should never be the deciding factor. Sometimes you meet someone, and everything clicks, and you end up together by choice. Fighting all the odds, getting past all the clucking tongues, you make your way to your own happiness. Age can't make or break a relationship, it's how they behave, how they carry themselves, things like that. i have met Masters who are younger in age but so much wiser and mature in soul than many of the older Masters i have had the pleasure to speak with. When push comes to shove, it is the chemistry between two hearts that matters. This is why "follow your heart" rings so true for many, bless you little pet and always do just that.

As for younger subs being easy subs.....or Dom/mes being set in their ways..... of course they are. Think of the beginning of any relationship, be it dating, marriage, D/s....fill in any blank you wish here. At the beginning we all strive to please, the young bride waiting for her new hubby to come home from work, the new date getting all dolled up just to stop by casually and say hello to him, or the new sub/slave who goes overboard to please. It's part of growing up, part of growing in a relationship, nothing intentional it just happens. After years of marriage, the wife looks to her hubby whose been home for hour or better and asks "when did you get home?"

Just my thoughts.......

°šhê¤wô£f°

From: §heltered_vixen_ÇJ

Sent: 2/20/2002 9:18 PM

I know I don't speak much on the messege boards, but that is mainly because of my own insecurities, but this topic I've been watching for a while and reading over the different messeges posted thus far and it really strikes me. As a r/t slave, people just consider it just as that, but once people began to find out that my Master was 29 years older than me, they became shocked and almost looked down upon me because of that age difference. I was almost scared to see what people were saying about me for having such an age gapped relationship. But now, I realize that age doesn't matter, sure it can be a concern for some, like those closest to me, but I am happy now, and have learned so much from my Master and the Elders in the community. The best thing I ever did for myself, was write it out. I wrote a letter to all those who cared about me, the one's I was most afraid of letting know about my D/s relationship and about the age gap... and in it I said " I don't expect any of you to accept or understand this, but I do ask that you will see that this is what makes me happy. I may only be 20 years old, but I know deep down inside that you can't put a number on love, weather that's price or age, or anything else".(I never sent that letter yet though)

Yes, age differences do cause a bit of a social prejudices.

However, I feel that age differences is what helps us to learn and grow. I have learned things from my 5 year old nephew that I probably wouldn't have discovered anywhere else. As well I have learned many things from those older than me, because they say with age, comes wisdom. We all learn from one another, weather that person is 5 or 50.

That is my purpose in life, to learn and grow as human being, to do as best I can, and be happy doing it, no where in there does it say "so long as it's all in my age range".

Just my thaughts,

vixen

From: luvbug_tG

Sent: 2/23/2002 6:14 AM

i know i come into this discussion late in the game…. Still I hope you will indulge me.

What an interesting post. Does age make a difference? i think so.

Am i biased? Lol…. Probably.

Both have their advantage.

Youth has many advantages. Supple skin. Muscle tone and flexibility. The natural enthusiasm and curiosity of youth. Less emotional baggage. Less history. Less expectations. Greater likelihood of being able to mould or shape the submissive to what One wants.

Older has it’s own advantages. Experience. Wisdom. A better idea of what it is they want and need in their lives to satisfy them. A stronger sense of self. A stronger understanding of dynamics…that in doing for others, one also does for themselves. Understanding that time apart can enhance time together. That beauty is multi-dimensional. That the beauty in D/s is to see two complete people come together to compliment one another – Yin to one’s Yang.

Are these advantages mutually exclusive? Of course not. Is the list complete? Not by a long shot. There is still curiosity and enthusiasm as we get older. As can muscle tone and flexibility can also still exist. Young people have at times lived through a great deal very early on in their lives. i’ve met a number of younger subs who are wise beyond their years…and i’ve been humbled by their young widsom.

And i’ve come across some older subs who have made some less than smart choices.

Are these "advantages" exclusive to submissives? No…they most definitely apply to Dom/mes as well.

Still…each group overall tends to have it’s advantages. And part of the beauty of D/s is the variety of individuals it attracts. Both Dom/mes and subs.

Is one better than the other? That’s subjective. It depends on the particular individuals involved. Their needs. Their wants.

Basically, we learn as much as we are ready to learn…based on who we are…and what we want…. And what is in our hearts.

My age has given me a better appreciation for what it is that i am looking for with my One. And for what i need out of O/our relationship.

i am His. Do i give blindly? No. i give faithfully. Not so much because it is what He wants, but because it is what i need. Who He is makes me want to better myself….for Him and for me. He feeds my spirit. i am not who i am because of Him…. i am who i continue to become because of His love and guidance.

Has age made a difference for me? It has. Not so much because of the number on the wall calendar…. But because of the questions and answers that time has brought. i serve Him not solely from my knees.... but also from my heart.

Humbly,

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