A submissives journey - Topping from the Bottom

Bottom Topping, or Topping from the Bottom

in a D/s or BDSM Relationship

What is bottom topping, you may ask yourself. Well, that is when a submissive tries to control a scene or situation, manipulating the dominant to their desire, rather than what the dominant wants from the scene or situation. Topping from the bottom is considered inappropriate behavior in most D/s circles. It can have many connotations, some of which make the dominant seem to be the less dominant person in the relationship. It also can be looked upon as the submissive trying to get the attention of their dominant because the submissive feels that they aren't getting enough.

Why is bottom topping such a big issue? When a dominant is no longer in control of the situation, their role is diminished. They are nothing more than a participant in the situation or scene. They lose their credibility as a dominant, because as the dominant, they should be in control. They should have the commanding presence to be able to keep the submissive from flipping them. This is an issue if the scene is in a public setting, as it will cause the dominant to lose a lot of hard earned respect.

Why does a submissive bottom top? This is the question that there are many conflicting answers to. Some suggest that it is simply to get attention from the dominant. Some say that it is to act out against the dominant because they don't want the control. Some times the submissive is naturally more dominant than their dominant, so it comes natural for them to bottom top. And still, there are also cases of the submissive being trained by the dominant to bottom top. Each person is different, so it can't really be said that there is one reason that a submissive bottom tops without truly knowing them.

Why would a submissive choose this method to get attention from the dominant? In some cases, a submissive feels that this is their only option for seeking attention. While others feel that the dominant deserves this treatment and are often considered brats. Is this bratty behavior? In most cases, it is not. It is insubordination, it is disrespectful and it is something that should not be tolerated at all. A truly bratty submissive does not bottom top, they are respectful to their dominant and do not do things that will dishonor them.

How can a submissive be more dominant? This isn't all that uncommon, especially among those just finding their way in the lifestyle. Some think that they want to be the one in control. They think that if they aren't, they will be destroyed. They think that being the dominant is the only way to go. While some feel that they have to identify as submissive, no matter how dominant they feel they are. In a lot of senses, it's a gender based action to those who are new to the lifestyle until they learn who they are. Then there are the cases of those who are switches. A switch is someone who is both a dominant and a submissive. They can be in either role and be comfortable. The role they choose depends on who they are with and how they are feeling at the time.

Why would anyone intentionally train a submissive to bottom top? In some cases, the dominant is not truly a dominant, but they wish to be associated as one, so they will train their submissive to be the top. They want the submissive to control the scene in order to achieve their pleasure. A submissive's purpose is to give pleasure to their dominant and serve in whatever way they see fit to guide the submissive. Training a submissive to bottom top is not the proper course of action for the dominant. If they do not wish to be the dominant, they need to reconsider their position and find a dominant to top them rather than improperly training a submissive.

How do you stop bottom topping? That is the age old question. One would think that if the submissive feels secure in the relationship with the dominant, they wouldn't feel the need to bottom top. But that's not always the case. A submissive, no matter how secure they are, can use bottom topping to test their boundaries with their dominant. This is when the dominant needs to put his or her foot down and draw concrete boundaries for the submissive. It's not always an easy task to break someone of bottom topping, but it can be done. Just go into it with your eyes open and aware of the situation at hand before you try.

Questions about our site? Click the ask live icon to chat live or leave a message with our site host. CJ isn't always available, but generally you can find Him here from about 8:30 - 11:00 pm Eastern time. Your questions about the site, the Asj community or just about the lifestyle in general are always welcome. If nothing else, take a moment and tell us what you think of this feature!