What do you do if you're depressed and in a BDSM or Dominant/submissive relationship? This article details the signs and offers advice for Dominants and submissives who may be depressed.

How does a submissive submit when she’s depressed? When she feels worthless, how can she be worthy of her Master’s attention? When she feels lower than dirt, how can she be there for her Dom? When she can’t take care of herself, how can she serve her Master?

On the flip side, what is the Dominant’s responsibility when his submissive is feeling low?

Problems Depression Depression Will Cause in a D/s Relationship

Depression in a BDSM or Dominant/submissive relationship is dangerous, especially for a single submissive or Dominant. A single submissive who doesn’t feel good about herself is likely to fall prey to abuse. A single depressed Dominant may end up rushing into a relationship with a submissive who isn’t right for him because he needs to feel wanted.

A submissive can’t submit when she’s depressed. Submission isn’t in the actions, but rather the feeling behind the actions. When a submissive is depressed, she is numb, tired, disinterested. She just doesn’t care about anything - her responsibilities, her appearance, her Master.

The Dominant's Responsibility Toward a Depressed Submissive

When the Dominant partner sees the signs of depression in his submissive, the Dominant does have a responsibility to her well-being. Regardless of the nature of the relationship, whether the Dominant is a Top, a Dom or a Master, it is up to him to take care of his brat, submissive, or slave. He needs to be the support system she needs to get her back on her feet, and he needs to realize that when his submissive is depressed, this is not the time to make any major or minor decisions.

Help can come in various forms, but most importantly, the Dominant needs to remain calm and nonjudgmental.

The Depressed Submissive's Responsibility to Herself

Submissives, you need to recognize the signs of depression and do whatever you can to help yourself as well. Your primary responsibility is to take care of yourself so you can take care of your Master. While this may seem unimportant while you’re feeling so low, service is the very nature of your submissive being.

Advice for Depressed Dominants and Submissives

Subs - if you’re depressed and single, you need to realize that rushing into a relationship is not going to make you feel better. A Dominant can’t cure you of your depression. You need to cure you of your depression. Your decision-making skills are dulled by the depression, and any choice you make in a Dominant will probably not be the right one. There are exceptions to the rule, but do beware.

Dominants - same advice goes out to you. You can’t take care of your submissive if you can’t take care of yourself. You shouldn’t rush into a relationship either, thinking a partner will validate who you are as a person. It won’t work out.

If you can’t love yourself, how can anyone else love you?

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Related Dominant submissive Lifestyle Book or Reading - Dealing with Depression

Self-Coaching: The Powerful Program to Beat Anxiety and Depression, 2nd Edition, Completely Revised and Updated [Paperback]

by Joseph J.  Luciania

Cognitive behavioral therapy is based on the idea that our thoughts and our interpretations of events greatly influence our moods. Therapists teach clients to listen to their negative internal dialogs and to use less depressive "self-talk." Clients may also be given "homework" in the form of relaxation exercises for anxiety or gradual acclimatization to frightening situations. The emphasis is on changing thoughts and actions, not on understanding their origins. Getting Your Life Back and Self-Coaching are both based on this approach. The latter, by clinical psychologist Luciani, advises readers to identify themselves as specific personality types (e.g., "Worrywarts," "Hedgehogs," "Perfectionists") and then gives specific instructions on how to change these thought patterns. The title by Wright and Basco, a psychiatrist/educator and a clinical psychologist/researcher, respectively, examines various psychological areas (e.g., thinking, action, biology, relationships, and spirituality) and invites readers to work on these areas in any order with valuable, morale-boosting checklists and examples. Getting Your Life Back is the better of the two because it discusses antidepressants and because the authors' instructions and exercises are much more thorough.

This book is fantastic, not just for anxiety and depression, but for issues of self-esteem, shyness, excessive introversion, anger, perfectionism, etc. I am exploring all these things in therapy and with medication, but felt that there was something more, some common thread, common cause...and the author has found it.

This book really helps you get to the root problem that all these have in common. Deep-seated insecurity and lack of trust in oneself to handle what life throws at you. Hard to admit, but it is the beginning of healing. The author shows how this insecurity (what he calls the Insecure Child), tries to maintain control of oneself and the outside world through immature coping strategies learned in, and repeated since childhood.

If you are a self-help junkie like me who has read countless books, but the result has only been "understanding" your issues better, but never overcoming them, I urge you to give these techniques a try.

At first read, they seem too simplistic, to simple, but in simple things there is power. Give it a try! What have you got to lose, except the misery you're living in? 

 Depression - Related Keywords for Searching

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