D/S Rituals - Protocols and Rules for your
submissive/slave
Here are some
thoughts on the subject of RITUALS, as they
pertain to the Dominant /submissive (D/s)
lifestyle. As a form of enhancement, there are
few things that are quite as effective as a
ritual that has been incorporated into a D/s
relationship.
A ritual is a
ceremony or rite that is usually formal and
follows the same pattern each time. Simply,
it's something you do over and over for a
purpose. Rituals are intended to be repeated
and to set a mood or build an expectation.
There are no "surprise" endings or hidden
agendas. They are intended to be the same each
time, within normal limits.
Two Main Ingredients
The important elements
of a ritual are that it should serve a purpose
and be pleasant for everyone involved. Remove
those factors and it becomes a meaningless
repetition of acts that are dreaded instead of
anticipated. One of the biggest fantasies
about rituals is that they are something
mysterious and feared. That kind of ritual has
little or no place in this lifestyle. Those
blood-letting, hair-raising things are best
left to cheap horror movies and Satanists.
Applying This To D/s
Now, if
you're like most people, you're wondering just
how this is going to work in a D/s
relationship. I'll use an example of a simple
ritual that is very common in our own
relationship. This could be titled "The
Greeting Ritual" and is done each morning upon
rising and at the end of the workday when we
have returned to each other's presence. /font>
The
submissive assumes the standard position that
is pleasing to the dominant, in My case it is
the position of surrender: kneeling, chest
pressed to the floor, hands extended and
crossed, the forehead pressed to the back of
the hands. (In other words, face down, hips
up.) The dominant must speak before the
submissive moves into an upright kneeling
position. Only now may the submissive speak
and it should be words that indicate a warm
welcome or the fact that they have missed
being with the dominant. (eg. Welcome home,
Master. I've missed You, Master.)
The eyes
are kept lowered until the dominant touches
the head or collar of the submissive. Only
then may they raise their eyes and speak
directly to their Master. Again, it should be
words of devotion, love and joy at being
together again. (eg. I'm so happy to be with
You again.) The dominant shows signs of
affection, such as bending to kiss or caress
the submissive. This can be followed with any
number of variations that please the couple.
Everyone's rituals will have their own
personal touches.
This
simple ritual fulfills the two requirements:
It has a purpose
and it is
enjoyable for
both participants. The purpose is to set into
play the feelings of dominance and submission
after being away from each other taking care
of our responsibilities. It allows a
submissive, who may have a "Power" job, to
slip out of that career role and back into the
role of devoted slave/submissive. It prepares
the dominant to assume his/her role of
Master/Mistress of the house once again.
It is
enjoyable because of the routine and warm
feelings it evokes in both parties. The
greeting, touching and affection are the
rewards for observing the ritual correctly. It
can take an otherwise awkward time for a D/s
couple and turn it into a well-organized
series of acts that accomplish a goal. That
goal is to move quickly and effortless into
your normal, daily routine as
dominant/submissive.
What are
some other kinds of rituals that our lifestyle
encompasses?
There
are literally thousands of them. Every couple
will learn to adapt their own needs and goals
into something that works for them. There are
a few standard things that seem to be
tailor-made for a ritualistic approach and
I'll suggest just a few.
-
Shaving:
It's very common for a submissive to be
required to
shave the hair from parts of their
bodies, usually the genitals. One of the
most intimate rituals shared in a
relationship can be a shaving ritual. This
can be done with little fanfare or be made
into a grand spectacle. It all depends on
the individual's needs. Laying out the
necessary tools, setting the mood,
assuming the position, bound or otherwise,
blindfolded for a little added
anticipation and you have the makings for
your own special time.
-
Bedtime:
Another very common event that is just
dying for a ritual. It can involve the
submissive preparing their body by bathing
and other hygienic actions, preparing the
bed for the dominant, presenting their
body for a nightly inspection, kneeling to
ask permission to enter the bed, having a
specific mat to kneel on etc. Again, this
is all a matter of individual tastes and
should be personalized to fit your needs.
-
Serving:
Now here's a wide-open category. There are
dozens of times when a beautiful serving
ritual would be a great enhancement to a
relationship. Perhaps it's after dinner
when you are ready to relax in each
other's company. The submissive can
develop his/her own style of serving
coffee, tea or other drinks into a
beautiful serving ritual.
-
Pre-Sexual:
Again, one of the times that really
invites a ritual. The dominant usually has
a position that they have established that
indicates they are desirous of sexual
activity. Upon a signal from them, the
submissive begins a standard routine for
presenting his/herself for the
preliminaries of sexual intimacy. This may
involve the submissive exposing themselves
in a certain way, to dress or undress in
an expected manner, to offer their bodies
in any number of ways. It's a matter of
personal preference on how this is
accomplished.
Are rituals
necessary?
No, I
can't say that everyone HAS to have them. But
they are an important part of our life
together. We enjoy the formal, ceremonial type
of lifestyle. The beauty of some rituals is
very appealing but most of all it is the
comfort they give. There's a peaceful feeling
that follows when a ritual begins. A sameness,
an expectation, a goal and guidelines that
lead to that goal. /font>
We use
them to make duties more meaningful and keep
from falling into the boredom that often
accompanies an often repeated chore such as
shaving. How many times have you heard of
dominants who no longer take part in the
shaving duties of their submissive? It didn't
start out that way, but in time it became a
half-hearted act that was finally discarded
and left up to the submissive to do alone.
IIn time
the submissive feels little excitement or
desire to continue the practice and falls into
neglecting this duty as well. It ends up a
constant source of frustration or
confrontation. "You have not shaved again?
What's up with this?" The reply: "Who cares?
I'm sick of it." Don't laugh folks, 'cause
this is a very common event in lots of D/s
homes. When shaving is made into a ritual
there is an anticipation of pleasure and
intimacy. There is time allotted for it to be
accomplished and both dominant and submissive
benefit from it.
How do we make our own rituals?
All it
takes is a little creativity and a pen and
paper. Sit down and discuss an area where
you'd like to begin. Perhaps it will be the
"Greeting" ritual. The dominant needs to
express their desire in how they want to be
greeted, what position, what might be said,
how it will end. WRITE IT DOWN. Don't expect
to remember tomorrow that wonderful routine
you mapped out last night. When he enters the
door you're going to forgot what you'd agreed
to do. Keep a record of it. Work on it. Make
changes to make it fit your relationship.
Most of
all don't stop it because you feel silly or
"just don't feel like it today." Rituals are
repetitious, that's what makes them rituals.
The benefits come from getting past the
reluctance and resistance, and learning to let
your mind and body accept the expected result,
just as the child will begin to anticipate
sleeping after hearing their story each night.
Keep it Real
One of
the most common failures of ritual practice in
a relationship is trying to develop a
complicated, useless fantasy instead of a
purposeful goal. Fantasies should remain
fantasies. A ritual that tries to mimic stage
productions with swirling capes and mysterious
smoke is not going to work. Keep the smoke,
lightning and eerie music for Halloween.
D/s is
not about human sacrifices or ritualistic
torture and combining the two ideas is a sure
prelude to disaster. There is a BIG difference
between "scene-ing" and rituals. Don't confuse
the two when trying to establish your own
rites and ceremonies. If it's a fantasy scene
you're after, create one. Don't expect it to
be something you'll want to do everyday or
several times a week.
Summary
Keeping
the excitement and enjoyment in a
relationship, even a D/s based one, takes
work. Sitting on your duff in front of the
T.V. and looking up as your partner enters the
door at the end of the day is NOT going to
keep the flames burning brightly. Developing
rituals, following routines that encourage the
feelings of dominance and submission will keep
you growing and lead you deeper into one of
the most wonderful journeys two people can
take together.
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Revised: October 15, 2019