I believe there are 2 occasions when we as submissives have to release our hearts, both of them equally painful. The first one is evident…..when we are released by a Dominant then we must begin the process of letting go of our hearts. That may sound like every relationship, but it's not. As submissives we have to begin the painful healing process….no more Dominance… feelings of confusion…and so many questions. To say we are lost is like comparing a hangnail to open heart surgery, we are beyond lost. That is in addition to releasing our hearts.
I am not going to tell you how to get over the pain of being released, if I knew how to do that painlessly I would be more than happy to share, but I don't. It's painful, extremely painful and for awhile no one or nothing anyone says will help. You have lost a part of you…and all that remains is the need to serve again. Yes, time will help, the pain will ease, but there will be many days and nights of self doubt, tears and anger before that happens. I know……I've been there, and even after 3 years I feel the effects, even after I found my soul mate I am reminded of the pain.

I will tell you what has made it possible to move forward….to release my heart. I embraced my past relationship, forced myself to see the valuable lessons I learned along the way. Yes it was painful and destructive, but it taught me many things also, things I needed to learn. Once I accepted that there was a need to experience what I did I could start to heal myself. Of course I went through the self doubt for many months…what did I do wrong? Am I really a sub? Am I worthy of a gentle loving Dom? Those questions filled many nights and days. Its part of the self punishment we go through, that somehow someway it HAS to be our fault. But eventually I saw the relationship for what it was….a journey, not a destination. And oh all the things I learned on my journey, things I could not have learned without the pain. It was then I released my pain and said goodbye.

The other occasion when we are faced with releasing our heart is when we discover that the Dom we serve is not what we need. That too brings with it an enormous amount of pain and self doubt. After all, we are subs, we should be happy with what we have, right?
I mean if we are not being abused then why do we feel the need to leave? And even worse, what if we love the man but not the Dom? Perhaps he is too hard, not hard enough, doesn't communicate, is boring, is too serious, not serious enough. What if his ideals about D/s don't match yours? That realization can be devastating because we find it so hard to justify releasing our heart. What if he is the best we can get? I believe to be fair to your Dom you need to express yourself. Be honest. Tell him what you struggle with. You owe your Dom the opportunity to address your concerns, and you have an obligation to yourself also to voice them. Hopefully he will be able to adjust his behavior and your bond will be strengthened by it. But what happens if it doesn't change? Then its time to ask yourself some very important questions. Can I continue to accept what is missing? Am I being fair to either of us if I do? Or do I have to accept that the journey has ended. If you are not happy and long for something more or different then be fair to both of you. Your Dom has a right to find someone who loves the qualities you dislike and you have the right to receive what you need from a Dom. Yes it is a painful choice, but so is you both settling for something less than you deserve. As strange as it sounds….sometimes there is even peace in release.

In closing, there are some things you need to remember. You are a sub…it is not dependant on whether you owned or not, your submission goes far deeper. We can't walk away from who we are; even if you aren't serving you are still a submissive. Give yourself time to heal, reach out to those around you and hold on tight. Almost all of us have been in the same position you are, a position we don't forget. Talk about your feelings, your fears, and your insecurities. You need to let go of them before you can heal. We are loving, caring group of people, we know the pain, and we know how important it is to be held up until you can stand again. And never forget you will stand again…..you are strong….you have to be, you're a submissive.