A submissives journey




Chapter 1
The Asj Community

Chapter 2
Resource Information 



Chapter 3
Subbie's Couch


Chapter 4
The Dom's Lounge

Chapter 5

 The Library




Chapter 6



Chapter 7

 Useful Links




Chapter 8
Members share their thoughts



Chapter 9

 Members Only




Chapter 10
Asj's Site Library



Chapter 11
Asj's Online Store




Chapter 12
Recommended Reading List




















Your Donation Helps Maintain the Asj Web Site


Today my lovely slave sweetheart gave me cause to stop and think about something that I have not reflected on in a long time. As she becomes more empowered in her submission to me, it means that she "strips away" more and more of those walls that she has spent so many years building in her normal interactions with people and society. Some of you who have worked with me know that I insist on observation, reflection, and then tossing the chaff of life out the window to focus on the simplicity that life can be. That really causes one to have a lot of introspection and cause one to really decide what is important for them. Too often we do what we think is important because others have told us it is...but that is another thought. As I have thought about the symbiotic processes that dominants and submissives go through I have found the following things happen. I realize that it may work differently for each couple who start their walk in this lifestyle so this is just my thoughts that apply for me

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    Many come into the realization that they are a true submissive after many years of denying the fact. This realization may come from reading something like the Beauty series or from seeing a true submissive act. Sometimes it is a submissive talking with a person about who they are and that person seeing the serenity, beauty and strength that submissive has. Many who come to this realization then seek information about the lifestyle through reading and/or joining a society.



    I have written about this before and if one wants to see those comments go to the wonderful library missyM built and maintains for me.




    Whether one seeks only a part-time or a full time relationship, this is the cornerstone of a successful dominant/submissive relationship. For the new submissive seeking their submission this is the CRITICAL phase for a submissive to begin stripping away all those walls mentioned earlier. Even failed relationships, for whatever reason, give the submissive insight to the possibilities and yes, freedom, that submission offers them as a person.



    Too often a submissive does not talk in depth with a Master PRIOR to the very first session. They assume that this Master will know what they do not like and lo and behold! something happens that does not feed THEIR needs and they run away from the lifestyle forever. Again, I have talked about this in the library. The submissive can be compared to a baby. It first must learn to crawl before it walks, walk before it runs...so too must the submissive. Smart, caring Masters know this and so are patient. Masters, have to know and learn what emotional, mental, and physical needs are important to the slave's growth. ONLY time reveals this. So, the journey must begin slowly and each step must help the submissive grow in confidence. This too is critical to ensure the slave grows in self-worth and confidence. With this growth they begin to strip away the fears and will want to start running toward submission. Masters often have to remember and maintain a slow, learning pace. Time, again, will allow the slave to savor and learn from each new introduction.



    Eventually and hopefully the slave will have that first subspace experience. Many will not realize the length and often do not even recognize they have made that transition. Often I have had to tell them they were there. This first experience brings together all that has gone on before and so the smart Master uses this return to reality as a time to nurture, encourage, praise, and strengthen trust. It is here that the submissive realizes and KNOWS for the first time that what they thought they were is now a factual truth and not a self hypothesis. Many people smarter than me have written about this experience often referred to as subspace. But, the point for me is this. In subspace the slave has felt for the first time complete freedom to just be and not have the societal and personal walls they have built. Many worry that they cannot remember exactly what happened but over time realize the exact events are not what is really important but rather the intensity of feelings and the new feelings are what linger.

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    Oh yes, the slave becomes greedy. That little subspace trip becomes an opium for them. They need, want, desire it and often will do things to try and top from the bottom...do anything to have Master take them there again. It is here that Master's must remain in control and dictate the frequency and speed. The slave is still in the walking stage and often Masters too have the addiction of wanting that complete control they have when the submissive is in total subspace. That is really why we Master. This is critical that it is controlled because we must have the slave continue to observe and reflect about their submission for we must take them to the next stage in their journey to total submission.



    Now, the slave begins to learn and internalize all that has gone on before. Submission is now a fact of life but it is here that the slave realizes that one must be aware of Master's needs to and that they do not always have to be told to care for them. They have learned those needs over time and often must place their own needs on the back shelf because their partner's needs are so abundantly clear to them. The realization is that always expecting and getting what they want and not looking out for the other makes it a parasitic relationship. To enjoy the totality of submission they must not kill their partner's own needs and so must care and feed for them too. Symbiosis empowers the submissive and the Master. Once they both have learned just how they are feeding off the other and the importance of the sharing and nurturing of each one's needs, then and only then, does the relationship reach planes that neither knew existed. It is here that dominance and submission reaches its pinnacles of glory and beauty. It is here that both grow emotionally, mentally and physically and then can begin to run. As I stated this is just my view of the stages. Within each stage are many, many other little stages and nuances that all come together with time, trust, patience and understanding. It is here that all is stripped away and total submission is achieved and sustained.
    Thanks for listening to my observations and reflections.


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    Feb. 2001



 (posted here with permission of the author)








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Revised: November 26, 2016