The perfect Dominant
will keep you safe from harm: both physical and emotional.
He will also keep you from any kind of discomfort, be it
being too cold or too hot. He will heal all your ills and
make your life perfect. All of your needs and wants will
be fulfilled, even before you know you need or want
Sounds ideal, doesn't it? Well in
theory, it is. However, Dominants are people to. Like
anyone else, they will make mistakes, upset you, and
sometimes even disappoint you. What do you do when that
pedestal they are on gets a little lower to the ground?
How do you express what you are feeling? What do you do?
The answer is as simple as understanding human emotions.
Every emotion has a different way to be expressed. Love is
one of the easiest emotions that can be expressed to our
Dominants. We all seem to know how to do that
instinctively. As we get to know Them, we learn Their
likes and dislikes and learn to enhance on what They
enjoy. In doing this, we also learn how to express
ourselves and become aware of when such emotion is
appropriate and when it is not. No matter who we are
though, we expect certain things in return from the
Dominant. When our needs are not met, we tend to become
angry or hurt.
Ok: you're angry with your Dominant - what do you say, and
how do you say it and still maintain your proper place?
One of the first things that should have been established
in the beginning of your relationship is a way to
communicate as equals, with no fear of retribution. Master
and i call these "time outs". Once i ask Him if we can
speak freely, i can say whatever is on my mind. That does
not mean i can explode and say anything i want. i still
have to maintain respect. When considering what to say,
first decide what is truly important and what is merely
being said out of anger. If it is possible, take time to
seriously consider this aspect before you agree to enter
into a conversation. Talking when you are calmer
will keep you from saying things you may regret later.
Words said in anger sometimes can never be forgiven or
taken back. It is also very important that you have the
Dominant's full attention when you talk. If i feel it is
important enough to bring up to my Master, i feel i
deserve His full attention. If He is not totally focused
on what i am saying, my anger builds, and this is where
trouble usually starts.
Dominants please note: if
it is important enough for your submissive or slave to
talk to You about something, listen to what they have to
say. Do not placate them or minimize their feelings no
matter how trivial You may think they are. Something has
upset Your sub and by listening and acting on this, You
will gain more respect and be less likely to repeat the
action which brought about the conflict.
What if it is not anger but fear you are feeling? Perhaps
your Dominant said He wants to do something specific in
the next scene. The action is not a hard limit, but the
idea terrifies you. Inform your Dominant beforehand of
what you are feeling. Over time, and if done slowly, fear
can and will usually evaporate. i am very claustrophobic.
The first time my Master mentioned total bondage, i was
terrified; afraid i would freak out and embarrass us both.
Even in my sleep, if my legs feel trapped by anything, i
will wake up hitting and kicking to get them free. i
talked with Master about these issues, and we took things
very slow. When this issue arises now, He constantly talks
to and touches me. As a result of His care, I feel very
safe, and my fears evaporate. That is not to say that I do
not still feel some fear if He moves away for a second. I
still do, but i know He will return shortly. your Dominant
is the one person you should trust above all others to
help you over come your fears. After all, we want our
Dominants not fear to rule our lives. Unless you talk with
your Dominant and let Him know your fears, He will not
know how to take corrective measures to minimize them. If
left for you only to deal with, your fear will turn to
anxiety, and the anxiety to anger directed at your
Dominant for having put you into that position.
short, to be human is to experience emotions. Your
emotions are a very real and telling side of yourself.
Unless you share these feelings with your Dominant, you
are only giving a part of you away. How can you then
expect Him to totally care for you, when you have held
back such an important part of yourself? In the end,
honest and open communication is the key to any
relationship. Be it Vanilla, Dominant submissive, or any
other type of relationship.
Once more i have to give credit where it is due. Thank you
very much Lady Tarot's toi (peter) for your help in
finishing this article.
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