Feminism and BDSM

 

There is no incompatibility between the goals of Feminism and BDSM. There are some misguided and uninformed feminists who oppose BDSM. There are also many feminists (including the author of these pages) who practice BDSM. The National Oranization for Women (NOW) has taken a public position against sadomasochism; there is, however, a loose knit organization of NOW members dedicated to correcting this error.

 

Remember that BDSM is practiced not only with men dominating women but also with women dominating men, men dominating men, women dominating women, switches, and people dominating themselves. BDSM is not gender oriented although individual players may have fetishes for people of a particular gender.

 

There are many paradoxes in BDSM. A women who submits in the bedroom may be an aggressive corporate executive in real life. Erotic submission may actually help someone become more assertive in everyday life (domination may also). Practicing masochism may result in someone being less timid and fearful in their dealings with the outside world; it is even a rite of passage for some. Humiliation can actually help some overcome repression. By consciously including power games in their interaction, many couples are able to better understand the unconscious power dynamics of relationships which often include predefined gender roles and internalized sexism. Temporarily restricting ones freedom in one dimension can give one freedom in other dimensions. Although it may come as a surprise to those unfamiliar with BDSM, the submissive, bottom, and/or massochistic role can be empowering for many.

 

Abuse does occur in BDSM relationships just as it occurs in vanilla relationships. The BDSM community does not condone abuse and introductory material often has advice to newbies on how to reduce the risk of abuse. Some women have used BDSM scenes to aid in the recovery from past abuse and assault, although this needs to be done with much care and after the victim has undergone some healing.

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An abusive relationship is one in which substantial physical, mental, or emotional harm is inflicted, that is not temporary in nature, and is not clearly compensated for by positive and loving experiences over a long period of time." -- by louise lol, 1997.

 

Many women who consider themselves to be feminists engage in a subtle but very dangerous form of sexism. They want to be treated in a particular manner and they assert that all women should be treated in that manner. This form of sexism involves judging other women by their gender not their individual needs and, worse, imposing this erroneous udgement on other wonen and those they interact with. Feminism is about equality of opportunity and responsibility. Women who find satisfaction from practicing BDSM deserve the opportunity to engage in the pursuit of happiness.

II personally became active in BDSM as a result of a woman who found it very erotic to be placed in restrictive bondage.

 

A woman who calls herself gardenia wrote an article condemning sadomasochism in a San Diego lesbian paper but later wrote this:

“And what about all those things I wrote about in the SD paper? I didn't know what I was talking about. I, as a submissive/bottom, am NOT abused by any stretch of the imagination. I am wired differently... enjoy my sex and play and love and relationships with more spice than others... but I am *definitely* NOT abused. I am loved and cared for and tended to and cherished. “:p>