Understanding BDSM

If you do not have a solid understanding of BDSM, I'd urge you to refrain from passing judgment of BDSM and its participants. BDSM is not abuse or misogyny. BDSM isn't how it's often portrayed in porn movies or heated romance novels. BDSM isn't about non-consensual activities or abusive relationships. Things are often not what they seem; BDSM in many ways should be considered or compared to a theatrical art.

Simple minded rules have been replaced by much more complex rules which better approximate reality. There are many different subcultures; the actions of one subculture or individual may not be indicative of the larger BDSM subculture.

Fantasy materials typically omit the safeguards which are important for real life scenes. You will note that as with any reputable source, a substantial portion of this site is devoted to safety.

The relationship between pleasure and pain is much more complicated than most people realize and varies from individual to individual and can vary over time for a given individual. Any given BDSM players often do not engage in many of the practices described within this site or others that discuss BDSM activities. While it is changing, many of the psychological professions are still largely ignorant of what it is we do. Until recently, the DSM incorrectly classified BDSM as a mental illness.

Many readily accepted forms of recreation involve substantial risk: skydiving, rock climbing, mountain climbing, caving, motorcycle racing, scuba diving, camping, and hang gliding to name a few. Many other forms involve pain and discomfort: hiking, martial arts, working out at the gym. No risk, no pain, no gain.

Many plain vanilla sexual (and non-sexual) activities have BDSM undertones. I have read over a thousand pages of books on the subject of BDSM alone and much more online, spent many hours practicing and experimenting, participated in discussion groups, and engaged in real life play; yet I still consider myself a novice. By exploring near the boundaries many BDSM players expand their knowledge of human sexuality, psychology, and physiology. If you are not willing to invest the enormous amount of time and effort necessary to achieve similar levels of understanding and to understand what it is we do, that is fine; but without this knowledge or experience, it's difficult at best to even begin to judge those that do.

Whether you are interested in exploring BDSM in your own life, or just to improve your general understanding of the BDSM culture, you'll find information, resources and links to outside sources of information that may help you develop a better understanding of BDSM and what it is that attracts so many to it.

As you explore the BDSM culture, please remember there are two basic philosophies to understand; Safe, Sane and Consensual (SSC) and Risk Aware Consensual Kink (RACK). Understanding these two philosophies may provide you with an entirely different concept of what BDSM is all about.

This Dominant submissive/slave lifestyle website first became active on about February 1, 2002.  The Asj community has been online in one form or another, including bulletin boards since approximately early 1985.

Copyright � 1998 - 2019  [A submissives journey]. All rights reserved.

Revised: September 10, 2019