Taken In Hand
Taken in Hand (sometimes abbreviated as TiH)
is a neologism that refers to a style of monogamous, heterosexual
relationship which is male-led. The female submits to her male partner's
decisions in matters of everyday life.
Non-Sexual Dynamics
Most Taken in Hand relationships exist between couples who are married
or at least highly committed. The root of the idea of a Taken in Hand
relationship is that the female will submit to the male in matters of
everyday life. To what extent and which areas this covers varies from
couple to couple, from a general avoidance of conflict by letting the
male partner “get his way” to almost complete submission to the
preferences of the man in matters such as clothing, friendships with
others, styling of hair and many other things. It is quite common in TiH
relationships for the woman to generally curtail her social life
significantly so as devote more time to the relationship. Unlike BDSM
relationships, TiH relationships are strictly “real life” rather than
consisting of negotiated scenes. Whilst many BDSM activities take place
mostly within the bedroom or the “Scene” (parties, clubs etc.) TiH
relationships place a great deal of emphasis on everyday “vanilla”
submission to the authority of the male as “Head of Household” (HoH) in
a committed and long term relationship. Generally the male partner is
expected to be the final decision-maker in most matters, and the female
is expected to submit to him. This is generally regarded as being for
the ultimate benefit of the relationship in reducing conflict and
fostering closeness and trust. In some ways TiH could be and often is
regarded as a very old-fashioned marriage, and many conventional
marriages do fit unknowingly into the TiH dynamic.
Discipline is a fairly major aspect of TiH relationships and is used by
the man on the woman to either punish a transgression (flagrant
disobedience, arguing etc.) or as a means to end an unending dispute.
The discipline rendered may be verbal scolding or loss of privileges,
but is most often physical (usually a spanking). In this context it is
intended to be un-erotic and not desired (though it is consensual).
Unlike BDSM Master/slave relationships, the woman in a TiH relationship
is not regarded in any way as owned property. However many couples in
TiH relationships feel that a strong feeling of possessiveness and
protectiveness by the man for the woman is an essential ingredient of
the relationship, which is also commonly accepted in western culture.
This does not however extend to a concept of the woman being owned
property. Although it is often said that not all TiH women are
submissive, and not all TiH men dominant, it is generally accepted that
a large proportion of both do regard themselves as such.
There are few cold facts or rules when it
comes to TiH relationships, but speculation as to why this type of
relationship has gained some popularity of late has lead some
researchers to the conclusion that it is derived primarily from the sex
life of the couples involved. The naturally penetrative and dominating
sexual position of the man and the
receptive and submissive position of the
woman, which leads to fertilization, could indicate one reason for the
popularity of TiH relationships.
Sexual Dynamics
The sexual dynamic of Taken in Hand relationships is seen as an
extension of the non-sexual dynamics. Although the female partner will
almost invariably be submissive and passive to the will and wishes of
the male, it is not a must. A Taken in Hand relationship may have both
authoritarian and cooperative aspects, and it is up to each couple to
determine how sexual power will be handled in their relationship.
Although corporal punishment is employed in Taken in Hand relationships
literally as discipline for transgression, erotic spanking is fairly
common as well. For Taken in Hand couples who also enjoy erotic
spanking, a variety of ways to differentiate between erotic and
disciplinary spanking have been developed, mostly having to do with the
intensity and duration of the spanking.
The issue of consent
Consent is a major issue in TiH relationships. Similar to some D/s
relationships in BDSM, there is often blanket consent, when at the
beginning of the relationship there is an understanding that this is the
kind of relationship both parties really want, and consent is given for
all or most things that the relationship entails, much like old-world
marriage vows. There is also a strong idea of “consensual nonconsent”,
particularly when discipline is involved. There is much debate over
exactly where the lines are drawn concerning this and quite what it
encompasses but the general idea includes both “Consent through silence”
(very common in TiH relationships in the “I actually disapprove but I
will say nothing so as not to be disobedient” context) style of consent
and the idea that although on the surface a woman may say no, on a
deeper level and from the beginning of the relationship consent
genuinely was present, and on that deeper level is still strongly given.
The issue remains thorny, more outside of the TiH world than within it
however. To outsiders, TiH relationships are often regarded as old
fashioned and sometimes even abusive or exploitative.
Diversity
Although TiH is defined as monogamous and heterosexual, there is some
interest in the dynamics of the relationship being applied to same-sex
relationships, where one partner is the dominant partner and the other
the submissive partner regardless of actual gender. Not universally
accepted within the TiH world the dynamic has nonetheless been exported,
particularly to the butch/femme community, where D/s relationships have
long been comparatively common.
This website is dedicated to the belief and practice of “Absolute Submission” and “Unconditional Surrender” within the “Ancient” and “Biblical” documented and practiced “Natural Order” of women consensually submitting to men.
Examples of practices of the "Natural Order" can be found in many well known scriptures such as "The Hebrew Torah", "The Talmud", "The Holy Ouran", "The Old Testament", "The New Testament", and "The Book Of Mormon", to name a few.
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This Dominant submissive/slave lifestyle website first became active on about February 1, 2002. The Asj community has been online in one form or another since approximately early 1985.
Copyright © 1998 - 2012 [A submissives journey]. All rights reserved. Revised: June 23, 2012
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