Safewords:
To Red Or Not To Red
Author:
miria hunter © 2001
To begin with, let me explain what a safe
word is. It is a word or gesture used while scening to either slow the
scene down, or to stop it all together. The most common safe words are
red meaning, "STOP" or yellow that means, "i like what you're doing, but
it's getting to be a little to much, to fast". Normally a safe word is
only used if endurance, tolerance, or hard limits are being pushed. i
have heard many arguments on safewords and why they should or shouldn't
be allowed. i have also heard many arguments that state a "true" slave
should not even be allowed a safeword. The following is my opinion only
on this topic, and it is that of a slave. I am also fully aware that
there will be many who disagree agree with me. All i ask is that you
read what I have to say with an open mind and heart before commenting.
Constructive criticism is always welcome that is how we ALL learn.
Having a safeword does NOT mean you do not
trust the Top you are currently scening with. A safeword is a way for
you to ensure that your physical, emotional, and mental well being
remain safe. No matter how well your Top knows you, YOU still know your
body better than anyone else. Thus, there are many reasons you may feel
the need to use a safeword when normally you never would have dreamed of
it.
One of the most common reasons your body may
change in its reaction to external stimuli is medication. Different
medicines can raise or lower your tolerance to pain as well as change
how easy you bruise or mark. When taking a new medicine be aware of the
side affects and make sure your Top is fully informed as well. Caution
should be exercised until you both know if anything has changed. I was
once in a scene with my Master and on new meds. Nothing in the
precautions gave any concern with respect to my ability to scene.
However, just as I entered into subspace, the endorphins my body
released mixed with my new medication and I was suddenly very ill.
Illness, as well as stress, can also change your tolerance levels. Thus,
from first-hand experience, I firmly believe that all good Tops INSIST
that the bottom have a safeword and or gesture.
A safe gesture is one to be used if you are
gagged and cannot speak. Signaling could be as simple as something held
in the hand that is to be dropped or thrown in case the scene needs to
be stopped. Not being able to speak should not be a reason for you to
get hurt.
You have a safeword, but will you use it?
For a long time I felt that if I did use my safeword, I was failing my
Master. I envisioned using that phrase as a symbol of defeat, a limit
that I must, and should be pushed to test. He finally made me realize
that by not doing so, when I felt I truly needed to, was failing both
Him AND myself. If He could not trust me to let him know if something
was too much, then we would not scene anymore. Using your safeword does
not mean that you or the Top has failed. Indeed, it is a sign that you
both have communicated in a deep, intimate manner. Communication
afterwards about what went wrong will help both to learn and can make
what you thought was a bad scene, a very good and informative one. How
else are people to truly to know one another without some form of
communication? If you are owned as i am, then you have a responsibility
to your Master to make sure His property is kept in perfect shape. You
should be His most prized possession, and should be guarded carefully
against harm. Using your safeword very carefully is very important to
keep from damage, and to prolong the possibility of future, safe
activity.
You should never use a safe word lightly.
Just because you do not like a scene or a punishment is not a good
reason unless these activities push a hard, pre-stated limit. Think
before you use your safewords.
It is my view that subs, bottoms, and slaves
should all have a safeword. No matter how well a Top knows you, you know
yourself better than anyone else does. Over time, you will more than
likely find the need for using your word to be less and less, as
experience between you and your Top grows. As your Top gets to know and
understand your body gestures, He will be able to tell where you are
within your range of colors. i rarely have to use my words anymore as
Master knows how to read my body signals, and stops or slows the scene
down accordingly. Tops, please think twice before not allowing a bottom
a safeword. Bottoms, it is in your best interest to NEVER go into a
scene without one. As I have previously stated, many things can change
your tolerance, and or your endurance. We all want our scenes to end on
a good, positive note, even if that means safewording. But most
importantly of all, talk things out afterward. Both participants should
learn something from the scene, and if so, it has TRULY ended on a good
note.
Rick's miria
This article is posted with permission
of the author
