AND COMMUNICATION ARE THE KEYS TO MAKING SM OR
People make errors, most often out of
ignorance. Trust depends on honest
communication. Incomplete negotiation is an
error, but dishonesty during negotiation is
abusive manipulation. Errors are forgivable,
manipulation or coercion are indefensible.
Trust is a precious gift that once violated is
hard to restore.
DOMINANT AND SUBMISSIVE ARE HUMAN BEINGS EQUAL
IN VALUE ANDWORTH.
They are halves of a whole, yin and yang.
Neither can function as dominant or submissive
without the other. Before a submissive can
wisely transfer power, they must empower
themselves. Its a clich� but a true one, that
you can't love another before you love
yourself. You also can't trust another before
you learn to trust yourself. And you certainly
can't give devotion to another person, unless
you respect yourself. It is important to
understand the difference between fantasy and
reality. While in fantasy the person may be
merely a lowly slave, a pet, a fucktoy or
whatever makes you hot; in reality the
submissive is a human being of value and worth
CONTROL ASSUMED EQUALS THE RESPONSIBILITY
dominant must understand that a person in a
submissive state of mind during a scene is
operating in a state of diminished capacity
and their ability to make decisions is
severely compromised. This is the precisely
the point of transferring control. This is why
it is important to negotiate carefully before
a scene. A submissive is entrusting her body,
mind and spirit to the dominant's care, which
is my mind is a sacred covenant. If you aren't
willing to accept responsibility for your
actions, don't accept the power.
DOM(ME) HAS ONLY THE POWER GIVEN TO HIM/HER BY
CONSENT OF THE SUBMISSIVE.
The dom can't decided unilaterally to take
more control and the sub can't unilaterally
decide that they want more control than is
agreed to in negotiation. However, both people
have veto power, either can stop the power
exchange at any time. Any changes in level,
duration or circumstances of control must be
agreed to when both people are in a calm
rational non-scene state of mind. Whether the
agreement is for one scene or for a
relationship this remains so. Sex without
consent is rape. Beating without consent
is assault A safe word in a scene is
withdrawal of consent! To play without a
safe word increases the responsibility of the
dominant rather than lessons it!!! This is
something I would strongly advise against in
most cases, especially outside of a long-term
committed relationship. Safe words are *more*
then ever needed in "punishment" scenes,
rather than less because the when immediate
pleasure of the submissive is of lower
priority, it is more difficult for the dom to
know when enough is enough or if something has
RELATIONSHIP THAT WORKS FOR ONE PERSON TO THE
DETRIMENT OF ANOTHER IS ABUSIVE.
Again, it is important to remember the
difference between fantasy and reality. While
the sub may be lesser in importance in
fantasy, in reality their wants and needs are
of equal importance. The submissive is
transferring control and decision making to
the dominant to be used for BOTH their
benefit. Life doesn't come with a guarantee,
when one gives trust there is always the
chance of that trust being misused. With care,
one can reduce the risk somewhat. But no
matter how careful or not a person has been,
this in no way excuses the abuse.
DO NOT BLAME
Frequently people fear to talk about abuse
because of negative response ... it becomes as
if the victim is abused twice when this
occurs. People who make excuses for abusers
are enablers that compound the problem.
Did you know, the j Community hosts
Dominant submissive and BDSM Lifestyle Classes and Discussions here online every Sunday evening at
9:00 pm Eastern Time. The Classes and Discussions are open to all
and Free to attend.
our Members Only Pages for more information, or click any
of our Member/Visitor Support icons to ask for more information.
This Dominant submissive/slave lifestyle website first became active on about February 1, 2002. The Asj community has been online in one form or another,
including bulletin boards since approximately early 1985.
� 1998 - 2019 [A submissives journey]. All rights reserved.
Revised: September 10, 2019