Several of you want to know about pet names within a Christian
marriage with a Dominant submissive sex life. What are they? Why are they
used? When are they used? Do we use them? Here you go:
Pet names are titles to show you are addressing your spouse within
the sexual side of your relationship. Since people in our
situation are, in a way, living two different lives, some find it
necessary to make it obvious they are addressing their sweet
husband or their alpha male Dominant. It would seem that people
who live the Dominant submissive lifestyle 24/7 would not need this distinction, but
from what I have gathered, they are even more likely to use pet names.
Do you have to use them? No. Some find it
easier, or just more fun. Some find it silly.
Do we use them? Yes. I don’t feel comfortable
sharing ours here. Although I am striving for being open and
honest on this blog, I feel this is just too intimate. Also, I
don’t want you to copy ours and bypass the fun of coming up with your
own. We don’t use them exclusively or all the time, they are just
another toy in the toy chest.
What are they? The husband’s name or title, may help
him feel more powerful.
Titles of respect seem to be popular: Sir and Master do the
trick for some (as well as Lord, but that flips my stomach). Mr.
“your last name” might also fit in here.
Words that are symbols of power are used: Thunder, Storm,
Dragon, Wolf, Major, General, Goliath, Thor, Apollo.
Normal terms of endearment that you don’t use otherwise: many
people don’t use Darling in their day to day language and so that
could be used.
A last category is other real names that seem to represent a
strong personality: Bruce, John, Brent, whatever works for you.
This category can quickly become a slippery slope of thinking of an
entirely different person and so I don’t recommend it.
Some just use a first initial. Tim could be called “T” and Jack
could be called “J”.
Wives’ names seem to be easier:
Any name that represents something delicate: Flower, or a type
of flower. Cloud, Rain.
Representation of a tiny mystical creature: Pixie, Fairy, Nymph,
Words of smallness: Tiny, Little one, Baby, Babydoll, Kitten,
Terms of endearment reserved for only sexual moments: Darling.
Baby. Sweetheart. Lover. (one upside of this type of name is that is
it not weird if it is overheard)
Real names that have submissive associations: See warning above.
Do you have to always use them? No, but it can avoid
confusion. What if your Husband wants to send you a playful email
during the day and it is playful by being really bossy. He may
write about the exact time dinner is to be on the table or the
consequences will be unfathomable. Before you call him up and give
him a piece of your mind, you see it is signed by his pet name.
Now you can decide if you want to dress like an old fashioned house wife
and serve it up on time, or if you ignore it and see about those
If you choose them, should they be the only name used during
sexual situations? It’s up to you. He loves to hear his
real name cried out while some men may need or want the extra submission
of using their authoritative pet name. Wives may feel less control
if their subbie name is the only one used, which may lead to more
pleasure for her.
When not to use pet names: This may be obvious to you, but pet
names should not ever be used for manipulation during the rest of your
marriage. If he has called you Pixie for years when you are at
your most submissive, when you automatically please him, when he WILL
get his way, then you are conditioned for this response when associated
with your pet name. Therefore, if you are having a spirited debate over
the purchase of the next family vehicle and do not agree, it is VERY
inappropriate for him to call you Pixie during this conversation.
Even if he used it sweetly (Oh, but Pixie, you know I’ve always wanted a
black truck) it is not fair and is crossing a line. He’s using the
name that you associate with giving up control without a second thought
and it’s wrong. If your family needs a mini-van because of all of
the carpooling and you feel the need to stand your ground, he has just
delivered a low blow and it will most likely have an effect on your
sex life if not just the next sexual encounter. Woman can use pet
names inappropriately too, so don’t thing I’m letting wives off of the
Any other questions?
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Revised: August 08, 2015