Asj online communities

ask live online 

may we suggest...

A submissives journey - Inventive BDSM Christmas Ideas

BDSM: Signs it May Be Time to Leave the Lifestyle

by Regina Sunderland

 

No Punches Pulled Signs that it is Time to Move On...

 

Anytime you start off with anything new you can barely stand it for excitement, everything seems to set you right over the top in a positive way, and you can't wait to do it over and over again. BDSM (Bondage Domination Sadism Masochism) is no exception regardless if you are attracted to the dominant side or the submissive one.

The search for yourself within your chosen side begins and often can take a long time before you really find out what it is you enjoy, don't like and feels right for you. Perhaps you were brought in by an opposite and have a "play" Partner right off the start, in other cases you are now playing the alternative lifestyle dating game. Never an easy one, but regardless part of the entire scene just as it would be in a vanilla life.

Let us assume you have committed yourself at one time in your life to BDSM not just as a weekend kink, but an actual Lifestyle. You have had years of experience in it and have done more then you would care to confess to anyone. Suddenly, however, things just seem to have stopped somehow. Not stopped to be as they once were, but stopped completely.

You wonder if it is time to perhaps leave your partner, but something seems to be niggling on your consciousness. Is it your partner or is it indeed just time to leave the BDSM Lifestyle.

 

The thought of doing anything related to BDSM no longer arouses you!

 

It isn't even just one or two areas of BDSM that no longer keep you aroused, but it is the thing in its entirety. Service to your Master or Mistress no longer gives you a feeling of fulfillment, but makes you feel as if could think of better ways to spend your time. Having to train and "exercise" your submissive just makes you moan, another chore to complete.  When the thrill is that far gone, that you are almost happy when your opposite has a "headache", it is pretty much an indication that it is time to either take a break or step out completely.

You are physically and mentally no longer able to handle it!

 

Somewhere along the way something has changed and for some reason you are breaking out in cold sweat just thinking about the physical and mental discomforts you have to go through. You tense up when your opposite even comes towards you. You can't even fantasies about doing it with someone else without it turning into some version of a Nightmare. You would rather have a tooth pulled then be around it anymore!

You have done it so much that now it has become about as exciting as having your teeth pulled, matter of fact you would probably be more excited by that. Living it as a Lifestyle is great, but let me tell you from experience that everyday life can kill it for you.

You have too many NON-BDSM related problems to concentrate on anything else.

I am sorry, but when you are worried about how you are going to pay your rent, a serious illness, a legal matter you are involved with etc. the last thing you really need in your life is the responsibility for yet another human being. It is time to take a break, fix your problems and when you have less on your mind, you can always return if you feel like it.

When you think that it is normal to do some of the over the top stuff you see on Drawings, Porno manipulations or read in Stories.

I am sorry, but if you are one of those people who thinks it is perfectly normal to pierce a female's nipples or a guy's genitalia and hang them off those piercings without any security or adequate healing period, it may just be time to take a walk. I have actually really met "BDSM folks" that thought that just because they saw it on a Badia Drawing, read it in a Porn Magazine Story or saw it on a fictional Porno, it is what they aught to do. Please, do I really have to say more?

When aftercare is as foreign to you as life on Mars!

If you are not even familiar with the basics of taking care of a submissives physical and emotional welfare, you have no business calling yourself a dominate. Matter of fact, to me as a person who has been on both sides of the fence and with 16 Years of hands on experience, I think it should be a requirement that you have to live on the opposite side for a while.

When you are simply disgusted with what the Lifestyle has turned into.

If you can no longer identify with what you practice or live, and you it takes every ounce of your strength to keep up appearances, then you really are no longer what you once were. Realize that life does change us and in some cases we simply outgrow a certain way of being.

When you don't feel any fulfillment anymore.

If you are only hanging in there because you love your Partner, but you no longer are doing it for yourself, you are in this one for the wrong reasons. This is a two sided Partnership if I have ever seen one. Regardless which side drops the ball, if it is just becoming a reason for fights between you or even worth a reason to stay away from each other, than please step out.

You have lost your Partner and can't accept another one as a true ...?

For many of us it seems to be that way. After you have been bereft of a beloved Partner in this lifestyle it can be almost impossible for the person who comes after to be able to make you happy. No matter how many times your Partner tells you that you are making your own way, it is seldom true. Competing with the perfection of a memory is a death stroke and can be extremely cruel to your partner who is being kept to feel inadequate.

You are a perfectionist and can not adjust to someone else's needs.

In a reality based BDSM Relationship it is a give and take, and it is a mixing together of what both partners need. If you are inflexible and can not truly adjust in any way to the needs and desires (as long as they are reasonable) of your partner, then you really shouldn't be in this lifestyle either. No matter how many partners you are going to take, nobody will be able to be perfect 100% of the time and you will only end up making your partners miserable.

If If you use BDSM for an excuse to be abusive!

If I have to explain that one, you need to already be out of it.

I am sure that some of you will disagree with this list, some may agree and will never say so. It is extremely hard to step out of this lifestyle if you are coupled. Not because your partner won't let you leave (in that case you better consult a legal venue), but because in many ways we are deeply involved and love our Partner. If your Partner is not willing to remain with you if you are only willing and happy living a kinky / vanilla lifestyle rather then a D/s or M/s Relationship you will lose something very dear to you.