A submissives journey

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Chapter 1
The Asj Community

 


 

Chapter 2
Resource Information 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 3
Subbie's Couch


 

 

Chapter 4
The Dom's Lounge

 


 

Chapter 5

 The Library

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 6
BDSM

 

 

 

 

Chapter 7

 Useful Links

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 8
Members share their thoughts

 

 

 

 

Chapter 9

 Members Only

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 10
Asj's Site Index

 

 

 

Chapter 11
Asj's Book Store

 

 

 

Chapter 12
Recommended Reading List

 

 

 

 

 



 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A submissives journey, spanking, Dom, safewords, OTK, sub, top, bottom, alternative lifestyles, BDSM, slave, slave training

 

 Giving an Enjoyable Spanking 

 Many people have never played, nor had the opportunity to watch

 experienced people play.  And perhaps a spouse or friend has expressed

 an interest.  Knowing how to proceed makes all the difference between

 a satisfying experience and and an ill-fated disappointment.  A good

 adult spanking takes about an hour, and by following the suggestions

 outlined, an inexperienced player can look like an old hand in making

 fantasy a reality, which is what this is all about.  

 

 Safewords:

 Agree on safewords.   "Yellow" is a common word meaning the bottom is

 at the limit, and the impacts should be no harder nor come any faster. 

 "Red" means stop.   Choose whatever words you like, and remember

 that the bottom has a responsibility for communicating and the top for

 responding. 

 

 The open hand: 

 When using the hand, it should be cupped slightly, with a small gap

 between the fingers.  Place the tip of the thumb against the knuckle of

 the first finger.  The hand should be firm, but not tight.   The wrist is

 kept straight, and the elbow is bent to adjust the distance.   Impacts

 come from the upper arm/shoulder, and are delivered straight on to the

 target.  This is the American style.  The European style delivers upwards

 and downwards arcing, glancing impacts.  They are hard to target and

 pull the skin.   The American style is more direct, and preferred by most

 bottoms. 

 

 Positions: 

 The number of positions are limited only by imagination and common

 sense.  And the basic rule is "comfort is king!"  Tightly stretched

 positions (e.g. holding the ankles) should be used only for short periods. 

 The skin and underlying flesh is drawn tight, and not allowed to displace

 from the impact.  This leads to marking and bruising.  Other positions

 where the bottom's weight is carried by internal organs and the

 diaphragm (e.g. OTK using a chair) should also only be used for short

 periods.  A short period means no more than about 5 minutes. 

 

 When bent over, the angle formed between the thighs and back should

 not exceed 45 degrees.  The "on all fours" position is best when kneeling

 is done on knees and hands (with straight arms) and not knees and

 elbows.  Or kneeling mostly upright on the seat of a chair or sofa.   When

 standing the hands should be placed on a table or back of a chair to help

 support the weight downward.  A wall helps maintain balance, but will

 not provide support if "dancing" begins.  When lying down, pillows

 underneath the head, hips and ankles work wonders - it is far more

 comfortable than simply lying flat.    

 

 The sofa or bed makes the most relaxing and enjoyable place for OTK. 

 The top should sit as far back as possible so the bottom is completely

 supported.  Placing a pillow under the bottom's head and ankles makes it

 even more comfortable.  When relaxed, the bottom finds it easier to go

 to the special place inside them (i.e. zoning, sub-zoning, flying).  The

 top's job is to get the bottom there, and once there they seem

 impervious to pain.  Do not strike harder or faster thinking they are

 asleep!  And do not keep them there too long.  An extended visit can

 result in a headache from the continued endorphin release in the brain. 

 

 Targeting: 

 Striking the same spot repeatedly is not preferred by many bottoms. 

 The area needs a short time to recover.  And striking above the tip of

 the tailbone is dangerous - the nerves exiting the base of the spine and

 the kidneys can easily be injured.  An easy way to prevent this during

 OTK is for the top to lightly place one hand on the bottom's lower back. 

 Extend the thumb so it touches the tip of the tailbone.  This protects the

 area from inadvertent misses, especially if the bottom wiggles or kicks. 

 

 Draw an imaginary line across the buttocks between the tip of the

 tailbone and the very top of the thigh.  Each cheek will be divided into a

 upper and lower section.  Strike in a rotating pattern - for example:

 upper left, lower right, upper right, lower left, and repeat.  Vary the

 pattern during play - at least once a minute.  Then divide each cheek

 into thirds, create a pattern, then vary it. 

 

 Occasionally during play, a single gentle strike on the top of the thigh

 can be added in.  This is a very sensitive area requiring reduced

 intensity.  And for maximum effect, no more than 3-4 times on each

 thigh during play. 

 

 Building the intensity: 

 Role playing disciplinary spankings are applied at nearly full intensity

 with little or no warm up.  For sensual spankings, the intensity should be

 carefully increased.  There are several reasons for this.   The low

 beginning intensity enhances blood flow to the area which helps prevent

 marking and bruising when the intensity increases.  Also, when intensity

 is carefully increased during the stages of play, the bottom can take

 much higher levels than if not warmed up.  And this also helps build

 confidence and trust when playing with someone for the first time. 

 

 Intensity is built in steps, not a straight line.  Imagine an intensity scale

 of 1 to 10, where 1 is the lightest impact that can be felt and 10 is the

 hardest impact that can be tolerated.  Intensity is built from 1 to 2 to 3. 

 Then intensity is reduced back to 2, then increased from 2 to 3 to 4. 

 Then back to 3, then from 3 to 4 to 5, etc.  During the heart of the play,

 the intensity can vary from 5 to 10, with rate being a factor.  During

 cool down, intensity is reduce back down in steps - 10 to 9 to 8, then 9

 to 8 to 7, etc.  

 

 Rate: 

 Role playing disciplinary spankings normally occur at a constant and

 brisk rate.  Sensual spankings generally start and end at very slow

 rates, with a number of rate changes adding to the sensation.  During

 warmup, the rate is slow.  Starting at about one impact every 2-3

 seconds and increasing very gradually to about 1 per second.  A slow,

 steady rate is relaxing and comforting, and puts the bottom at ease.  

 Cool down is the compliment - about 1 per second decreasing to once

 every 2-3 seconds. 

 

 During the heart of the play, maximum effect results when the pace

 varies slightly.  The anticipation of the impact is as intoxicating as the

 impact itself - varying the timing retains that anticipation.   Maintain a

 rate of about 1 per second, then gradually increase to about 2 per

 second.  Then gradually decrease to about 1 per second.  The whole

 cycle should take about a minute.  And an alert top will notice the

 bottom clenching in anticipation of the timing - skip a beat. 

 

 A few short bursts of about 4 impacts per second really heighten the

 heart of the play.  Coming without warning, the bursts should last about

 10-15 seconds.  And they should happen no more than about 3 times. 

 And remember to follow the pattern and reduce the intensity about 2

 levels. 

 

 The warm up: 

 This is the most important part of sensual OTK play, and should take a

 full third of the time spent.  It sets the tone and calms a racing heart. 

 The top should position the bottom, and make them comfortable.  Begin

 by gently stroking the backs of the legs up to the top of the thighs, and

 the shoulders down to the base of the spine.  Repeat a few times until

 there is no muscle tightness or tension. 

 

 A good OTK session begins over the clothing, starting at a rate of about

 3 per second and increasing to about 1 per second.   Intensity steps up

 from 1 to about 5.  At this point, the top layer of clothing is removed

 exposing the undergarments.  Doing this slowly heightens the

 anticipation.  With the undergarments exposed, repeat the warmup from

 the very beginning.  Do not skimp or rush - remember to always keep

 building the anticipation.   Near the end, pull back the undergarments to

 expose the cheeks.  The bottom may find this exciting, but the purpose

 is for the top to check the color.  It should be a very even light pink. 

 And this is a good time for a minute of gentle stroking.  

 

 A minute of impacts, then restore the undergarments snugly across the

 buttocks.  Then about another minute of play.   Ever so slowly, slide the

 undergarments down to just above the knees.  This is an extremely

 exciting time for the bottom, so slow patience is critical.  The bottom

 may arch up to assist, and the top should try to minimize this - better

 they remain relaxed and feel the sensation.  A minute a gentle stroking

 works wonders, but avoid squeezing.  Light fingertip touching on the

 pinkened area, backs of the legs, and shoulders.  Again, repeat the

 warm up from the very beginning.  Take your time, remembering to build

 the anticipation. 

 

 The heart of the play: 

 This is a time of excitement and caution.  Build the intensity in steps,

 then vary the rate, adding in the short bursts.  After using the hand,

 this is the time for toys - all the techniques described under intensity

 and rate can be repeated using them as well.  Different toys provide

 different sensations.  Implements having a small contact surface area

 are generally "stingy," while those having a larger surface area are

 "thuddy."  Different shapes (e.g. oval) apply impact over different areas

 to vary the sensation.  Begin with thuddy toys moving toward stingy

 and back again.  Every bottom will have a preference.  If toys are used,

 80% of bottoms prefer leather over wood.  Wood offers no forgiveness

 to match the contour of the body, and has a tendency to bruise.  Focus

 on the favorite sensation, but do not completely neglect the others - it

 adds contrast.  And this is the time to vary positions.  It provides

 further excitement for the bottom, and gives the top a chance to

 stretch and catch a breath. 

 

 A good top pays close attention during this time.  Hand spanking can

 leave small red speckles on the bottom - the intensity should be reduced

 and the rate increased.  And check that the palm remains slightly

 cupped.  And an alert top checks the side of the buttock furthest away

 several times during the play.  If toys are used, soft leather can wrap,

 leaving marks.   Dark red swirls or bright red / bluish outlines on the

 cheeks indicate the intensity is too high.  Either the toy is too heavy, too

 stiff, or is being used too hard.  The bottom cannot see their own

 buttocks, and the top is responsible.  It is better to go longer and

 lighter.  The color should be an even glowing crimson, with no mottling. 

 

 The cool down: 

 This is the best part, and well worth a quarter of the time spent - a time

 of gentle sighs and deep relaxation.  There is no substitute for the hand

 to cool down the bottom in a lying down OTK position.   Gradually step

 down the intensity and reduce the rate - do not hurry.  When at the

 lowest level, intermittent half-minute periods of gentle finger tip

 stroking and light massage, followed by slow and light impacts helps to

 maintain blood flow.  This reduces any marking or bruising that may

 appear later.  Continue the intermittent periods until all the color is

 nearly faded. 

 

 When the color is nearly gone, a few minutes of gentle stroking adds a

 nice finishing touch.  Then lotion or oil applied after warming in the palm -

 do not apply it cold.  

 

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Revised: March 17, 2010