Important Questions a Dominant Needs to Ask
A submissives journey
A submissives journey
In the world of domination and submission, there is much advice written to submissives in regard to choosing a dominant. However, not much advice is written to the dominant in how he should go about choosing a submissive. Dominants are perceived as strong and confident, so with that perception there is sometimes a perception that they do not need any advice, because they are sure of what they want.
However, just as the Dominant submissive
lifestyle is
filled with dominants who are users, abusers and men only
pretending to be dominant...there are also women who are
merely manipulative, crafty needy users. They use the label
of "submissive" loosely as a means to attract dominant men
who are looking for a weaker woman to take care of. These
woman are masters at misrepresenting themselves in order to
get what they want...which is simply a man to take care of
them. Sometimes they are in a transition phase in their life
and want someone to take care of them while they are
transitioning. Sometimes they are just tired of caring for
themselves and want a man to provide for them. These women
are not true submissives. They are simply lazy, misdirected
and use the term submissive as a means of infiltrating the
life of any dominant they may be able to manipulate.
Take the story of Mike. Mike had been a dominant for several
years, and had trained several submissives along the way.
When he began his search for a new submissive, he thought he
had found that person when he met Julie. Julie was sweet and
needed someone to guide her and love her. She needed some
direction and some discipline in her life. Julie came to
Mike asking to be trained as a submissive. She agreed to all
of his rules. She knew that the relationship was going to be
strictly that of dominant and submissive. Julie was also in
a transition period of her life, having been recently
separated.
Things went fine for awhile. Soon, however, Mike found
that Julie came with some financial issues. He truly
wanted to help her and offered to help her out. He paid
for her divorce. He gave money to her to pay some back
bills. He helped buy her grandchild a new crib. Soon she
was upset that she needed a new cell phone, and he paid
for that. Julie became increasingly discontent with the
fact that their relationship was only that of dominant
and submissive. She became very jealous of Mike and
would follow him to see if he was meeting other women.
Julie stopped trying to get on her own feet and make a
life for herself.
Soon Mike began noticing that his checking account
balance was never as much as it should be. He also came
to find out that there were charges on his credit cards
that he did not make. And in the final days of their
relationship, he found out that she had opened several
credit cards in his name...and charged them to the
limit.
The fact was that Julie had planned on this manipulation
of Mike from day one. What could Mike have done? The
answer is that any dominant in search of a submissive
needs to do some pretty extensive interviewing of the
submissive before embarking on the relationship. The
term "interview" may sound a bit cold, but a dominant
submissive relationship is very similar to any other
working relationship. A manager would not hire an
employee without an interview. Neither should a dominant
choose a submissive without an interview. Here are some
things a dominant needs to know.
1) The submissive's experience in the Dominant submissive lifestyle is
something the dominant needs to be aware of. Find out
how many other dominants she has been involved with and
the reason why the relationships ended. Discuss also any
other relationships she has had, including marriages.
Find out why they ended as well. You may see a pattern
emerging.
2) Find out about the submissive's current financial
obligations. No matter what they may be, discuss
beforehand how she is intending to get those obligations
taken care of. If you intend to help her at all, state
it clearly how much help you are willing to help. If you
are not willing to help financially, state that clearly
as well.
3) Find out about any family obligations the submissive
may have. Does she have children or grandchildren? Does
she have an aging parent who needs help?
4) The submissive's sexual history is also important.
Find out if she has always used safe sex practices.
Discover if she has or has ever had any sexually
transmitted diseases. Also, find out if she has any
other medical issues that you need to be aware of.
5) A submissive's psychological issues, if any...can be
of the utmost importance. Does she or has she had any
substance abuse issues? Was she abused physically,
mentally or sexually as a child? Has she been diagnosed
with any kind of mental disorder? Is she taking
medication for a psychological illness? All of these
things are important, because any one of these could be
an underlying reason for seeking out a
dominant submissive relationship.
Trust is very important in any dominant submissive
relationship, but trust does not come instantly. It
comes over a period of time as you slowly get to know a
person. Never trust a new submissive with any of your
personal information such as social security number,
driver's license number or bank information. If the
submissive is in the relationship for shady purposes,
these are the exact things she needs to accomplish her
goal.
Follow your instincts. You are the dominant. Do not be
manipulated by tears, anger, or any other tool that
could be used against you. Follow the above advice and
you should be able to choose a submissive that any
dominant would be proud to have.