a submissives journey

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A submissives journey - Important Questions a Dominant Needs to Ask

Important Questions a Dominant Needs

to Ask His Submissive

In the world of domination and submission, there is much advice written to submissives in regard to choosing a dominant. However, not much advice is written to the dominant in how he should go about choosing a submissive. Dominants are perceived as strong and confident, so with that perception there is sometimes a perception that they do not need any advice, because they are sure of what they want.

However, just as the D/s lifestyle is filled with dominants who are users, abusers and men only pretending to be dominant...there are also women who are merely manipulative, crafty needy users. They use the label of "submissive" loosely as a means to attract dominant men who are looking for a weaker woman to take care of. These woman are masters at misrepresenting themselves in order to get what they want...which is simply a man to take care of them. Sometimes they are in a transition phase in their life and want someone to take care of them while they are transitioning. Sometimes they are just tired of caring for themselves and want a man to provide for them. These women are not true submissives. They are simply lazy, misdirected and use the term submissive as a means of infiltrating the life of any dominant they may be able to manipulate.

Take the story of Mike. Mike had been a dominant for several years, and had trained several submissives along the way. When he began his search for a new submissive, he thought he had found that person when he met Julie. Julie was sweet and needed someone to guide her and love her. She needed some direction and some discipline in her life. Julie came to Mike asking to be trained as a submissive. She agreed to all of his rules. She knew that the relationship was going to be strictly that of dominant and submissive. Julie was also in a transition period of her life, having been recently separated.


Things went fine for awhile. Soon, however, Mike found that Julie came with some financial issues. He truly wanted to help her and offered to help her out. He paid for her divorce. He gave money to her to pay some back bills. He helped buy her grandchild a new crib. Soon she was upset that she needed a new cell phone, and he paid for that. Julie became increasingly discontent with the fact that their relationship was only that of dominant and submissive. She became very jealous of Mike and would follow him to see if he was meeting other women. Julie stopped trying to get on her own feet and make a life for herself.


Soon Mike began noticing that his checking account balance was never as much as it should be. He also came to find out that there were charges on his credit cards that he did not make. And in the final days of their relationship, he found out that she had opened several credit cards in his name...and charged them to the limit.

The fact was that Julie had planned on this manipulation of Mike from day one. What could Mike have done? The answer is that any dominant in search of a submissive needs to do some pretty extensive interviewing of the submissive before embarking on the relationship. The term "interview" may sound a bit cold, but a dominant submissive relationship is very similar to any other working relationship. A manager would not hire an employee without an interview. Neither should a dominant choose a submissive without an interview. Here are some things a dominant needs to know.

1) The submissive's experience in the D/s lifestyle is something the dominant needs to be aware of. Find out how many other dominants she has been involved with and the reason why the relationships ended. Discuss also any other relationships she has had, including marriages. Find out why they ended as well. You may see a pattern emerging.

2) Find out about the submissive's current financial obligations. No matter what they may be, discuss beforehand how she is intending to get those obligations taken care of. If you intend to help her at all, state it clearly how much help you are willing to help. If you are not willing to help financially, state that clearly as well.

3) Find out about any family obligations the submissive may have. Does she have children or grandchildren? Does she have an aging parent who needs help?

4) The submissive's sexual history is also important. Find out if she has always used safe sex practices. Discover if she has or has ever had any sexually transmitted diseases. Also, find out if she has any other medical issues that you need to be aware of.

5) A submissive's psychological issues, if any...can be of the utmost importance. Does she or has she had any substance abuse issues? Was she abused physically, mentally or sexually as a child? Has she been diagnosed with any kind of mental disorder? Is she taking medication for a psychological illness? All of these things are important, because any one of these could be an underlying reason for seeking out a dominant/submissive relationship.

Trust is very important in any dominant/submissive relationship, but trust does not come instantly. It comes over a period of time as you slowly get to know a person. Never trust a new submissive with any of your personal information such as social security number, driver's license number or bank information. If the submissive is in the relationship for shady purposes, these are the exact things she needs to accomplish her goal.

Follow your instincts. You are the dominant. Do not be manipulated by tears, anger, or any other tool that could be used against you. Follow the above advice and you should be able to choose a submissive that any dominant would be proud to have.