Sunday, January 22, 2012
The Realities within a Dominant submissive Relationship
Class log 1-22-2012
[CJsHere] 9:16 pm: since Rod brought up "Real Life", perhaps we'll touch on a couple of real life issues,
[CJsHere] 9:17 pm: those are always fun,,
[Rod] 9:17 pm: define "fun"
[CJsHere] 9:17 pm: lol..
[CJsHere] 9:18 pm: I think, let Me try something a bit different this evening, let's see if I can lay out a scenario or two, and perhaps we can talk about them, what's good, bad, right or wrong about them,
[CJsHere] 9:19 pm: We all know of course, Dom's are Dom's, subs/slaves are subs/slaves, they serve the Dom's.
[CJsHere] 9:20 pm: and of course,, what the Dom wants, the Dom gets,, what He says, goes, end of discussion.
[CJsHere] 9:20 pm: but, is that always reality?
[Matt] 9:20 pm: no
[Rod] 9:20 pm: nope
[cricket_NF] 9:20 pm: no Sir
[brandie] 9:20 pm: no it is not Sir...
[butterfly] 9:20 pm: no Sir
[prescott_AJ] 9:20 pm: no Sir
[Rod] 9:20 pm: say it aint so
[laynie] 9:20 pm: no Sir
[skye_Rod] 9:21 pm: depends on the relationship
[Rod] 9:21 pm: not always girl
[cricket_NF] 9:21 pm: no it also depends on real life situations
[Rod] 9:21 pm: depends on the situation
[skye_Rod] 9:21 pm: ok
[blondie_E] 9:21 pm: agrees with Sir Rod
[CJsHere] 9:21 pm: If a Dom goes to His sub/slave and says "hey girl.. let's talk about this,, I'm thinking about buying a new car....",,, does that make Him any less Domly because He asks the girl to talk about something,,, does it make her any less a sub/slave because He wants her opinion?
[skye_Rod] 9:21 pm: no Sir
[Matt] 9:21 pm: no
[butterfly] 9:22 pm: no Sir
[cricket_NF] 9:22 pm: no Sir.. it is realistic
[rowan-oak] 9:22 pm: not at all Sir
[prescott_AJ] 9:22 pm: no Sir
[blondie_E] 9:22 pm: No Sir
[Dema] 9:22 pm: no
[Rod] 9:22 pm: its His girl
[Rod] 9:23 pm: shares everything in a way
[CJsHere] 9:23 pm: There is an old saying,, two heads are better than one.. can anyone give Me an idea of what that means,, or what its trying to convey when you say that?
[Rod] 9:23 pm: a car is a major investment
[skye_Rod] 9:23 pm: different people see situations differently so having more than one person looking at a situation one might see something that the other did not
[cricket_NF] 9:23 pm: that 2 people working together can cover all aspects of a situation better than one working alone
[Rod] 9:24 pm: would be prudent to slow down and get some opinions
[rowan-oak] 9:24 pm: that having two people thinking about something, talking something through is better than one person doing it all alone
[blondie_E] 9:24 pm: it's good to have someone elses perspective...
[butterfly] 9:24 pm: two people may see things slightly different so it may give the other person something that hadn't seen before
[Rod] 9:24 pm: if My girls opinion didn’t matter to Me shes the wrong girl....or Im the wrong Dom
[cricket_NF] 9:24 pm: good point Sir
[CJsHere] 9:25 pm: nods to all,, pretty much right on the money,, there are a lot of things that one person, by them self can't accomplish as easily as two... two different views or opinions,, covering all the bases so to speak, and in spite of all this,, D/s relationship or not, you're in it together..
[twinkle] 9:26 pm: to have a sub/slave intelligent enough to discuss an opinion to assist the Master in hearing another opinion, and supporting the Masters decision
[CJsHere] 9:27 pm: Not to offend anyone, but,, yes, IMHO, there is a level of slave that no, don't expect much input, don't expect a desire to share in the knowledge or decisions,, but that level of slave is probably one of two categories,, either a "pleasure slave", meaning a sex slave, pure and simple,, or, the second category, what ever you want to call it,, a slave that I, or most Dom's wouldn't want..
[Dema] 9:29 pm: very true
[CJsHere] 9:29 pm: Oh yes, obedience all the way,, yes, tend to My needs, yes, abide by My decisions and guidance,, but oh yes, always, always, be ready to step up to the plate and offer an opinion when it's asked for, offer a suggestion for a solution when I ask for it,, and equally important,
[CJsHere] 9:29 pm: be ready to step up and help Me see when I can't see,
[CJsHere] 9:29 pm: and believe Me,, that can be a difficult challenge..
[CJsHere] 9:30 pm: cause I'll tell you this,,, (trade secret),,, I don't know of too many Dom's that aren't hard headed and stubborn,, and occasionaly rather egotistical..
[CJsHere] 9:30 pm: (who Me? )
[CJsHere] 9:30 pm: but then again,, aren't a lot of sub/slaves?
[Rod] 9:30 pm: Me either...lol
[Dema] 9:31 pm: lol
[skye_Rod] 9:31 pm: LOL
[CJsHere] 9:31 pm: so real life says,, you have to cover each others backs,,,,, [Rod] 9:31 pm: how true
[skye_Rod] 9:31 pm: no matter the dynamics... its still a partnership
[skye_Rod] 9:32 pm: two (or more) people who care for each other
[CJsHere] 9:32 pm: okay, here's one,, I don't think I've used this scenario before with anyone here,, (we'll soon see).. Let Me spell it out for you,,
[Rod] 9:32 pm: in this lifestyle its even more crucial because the communication skills are so much more heightened
[CJsHere] 9:33 pm: A Dom owns a girl, whether she is sub or slave is unimportant,, and we'll say they've been together for a bit,
[CJsHere] 9:34 pm: One day, the sub calls the Dom and says "Sir, will you stop at the coffee shop and bring Me home a cup of coffee after work,, please.. " of course the Dom knows she really enjoys this,, and why not, she's been a good girl.. so he says "sure sweetheart, I'll stop and get it,, see you soon".
[CJsHere] 9:34 pm: hmm, I don't see anything wrong with that,, anyone else see a problem ?
[Rod] 9:34 pm: not at all
[laynie] 9:34 pm: no Sir
[butterfly] 9:34 pm: no Sir
[prescott_AJ] 9:34 pm: no Sir
[Dema] 9:34 pm: nope
[brandie] 9:34 pm: no Sir..
[CJsHere] 9:35 pm: okay, let's take it a step further,,
[Rod] 9:35 pm: its not for everyone though
[skye_Rod] 9:35 pm: not really
[CJsHere] 9:35 pm: before long, this more or less becomes a habit, He stops and gets her coffee on the way home each day,,, I mean, why not..
[CJsHere] 9:36 pm: still nothing wrong with that,, but, it continues day after day, and more or less becomes a ritual..
[brandie] 9:36 pm: that is a lot, even for a vanilla couple..
[blondie_E] 9:36 pm: she doesn't appreciate it anymore?
[skye_Rod] 9:36 pm: it becomes an expectation
[skye_Rod] 9:36 pm: not something special
[Rod] 9:36 pm: the "special" fades away
[Dema] 9:36 pm: no longer a treat
[butterfly] 9:36 pm: agrees with skye
[blondie_E] 9:36 pm: and maybe feels like she's been a 'bad girl' if she doesn't get her daily treat?
[CJsHere] 9:37 pm: then one day, he's pressed for time,, and He doesn't stop for coffee,, he comes into the house, and she asks, did you get my coffee for me?
[Rod] 9:37 pm: hand her a map
[skye_Rod] 9:37 pm: LOL
[Dema] 9:37 pm: and walking shoes
[CJsHere] 9:37 pm: a look of disappointment in her eye,, now here comes the questions,
[Rod] 9:37 pm: yup
[CJsHere] 9:38 pm: first, is it fair that she seem disappointed when He said,, "oh, sorry, I was rushed and didn't have time"..?
[Rod] 9:38 pm: better be looking up from her knees
[Dema] 9:38 pm: no not at all
[CJsHere] 9:38 pm: reality check,,, humans are humans,,, slave or not,,
[laynie] 9:38 pm: no it isn't Sir
[skye_Rod] 9:38 pm: the disappointment isnt a bad thing.. kinda expected
[skye_Rod] 9:38 pm: she has come to expect it
[Rod] 9:39 pm: shes still a sub/slave so when the questions come ther hadbetter be some humility added in
[CJsHere] 9:39 pm: remember how the Dom got himself into this situation in the first place,, his thoughts to himself, she's been a good girl.. so why not,, ie, it becomes a reward..
[CJsHere] 9:40 pm: so, anywhere along the way, has he conveyed to the girl... "you've been a good girl, doing as you're supposed to.. here's your coffee..." (or words to that effect..)
[Rod] 9:41 pm: He should have been doing that all along
[CJsHere] 9:41 pm: IF he has,, hmm, has He now let the girl down? ie., she kept up her part of the bargain, she did what she was supposed to. after all wasn't it the Dom that established this precedent?
[Rod] 9:41 pm: life happens
[CJsHere] 9:41 pm: so, if she's doing her part,, why isn't He doing his?
[Rod] 9:42 pm: because life happens
[Dema] 9:42 pm: reality happens
[butterfly] 9:42 pm: you shouldn't expect to be rewarded everytime you do something.
[CJsHere] 9:42 pm: sure, this is just a simple example, using a cup of coffee,, but, I'm sure, with just a bit of thinking, you can find other issues, more of a consequence this happens in,
[cricket_NF] 9:42 pm: shouldn't the girl be doing things to please her Dom without a daily reward?
[CJsHere] 9:43 pm: but, clarify a bit,, everyone is saying reality happens,, and yes, I agree with that,, but,, now, if the girl didn't get her chores done that day,, is it okay for her to say, reality happens?
[Rod] 9:43 pm: probably is
[Dema] 9:43 pm: true bug
[brandie] 9:43 pm: Sir, this is a cup of coffee, like did He always get her a Starbuck's and now just gets her a McDonald's coffee? Regardless ImHo, a perspective is required..
[Rod] 9:43 pm: she would have to explain it
[skye_Rod] 9:43 pm: why doesnt He have to explain it...
[Dema] 9:43 pm: but getting work done and not picking up coffee are two separate thiings
[laynie] 9:43 pm: well Sir that would depend on why she didnt get them done
[CJsHere] 9:44 pm: oh, I agree bug,, but again,, the point I'm trying to stress here,, (and missing),,, how was/is the coffee being presented? is it being presented as,, you do your chore, I'll do Mine and get your coffee?
[blondie_E] 9:44 pm: agrees with laynie
[Rod] 9:44 pm: depends on the relationship as well....lots of variables here
[Dema] 9:44 pm: yeah many Rod
[Rod] 9:45 pm: getting the coffe for My girl is not a chore
[cricket_NF] 9:45 pm: the reality is sometimes things arent going to be balanced and W/we have to do a little more than the ohter..it is give and take
[skye_Rod] 9:45 pm: i think both sides need to understand that life happens. people get sick, cars break down.. kids have a bad day etc
[laynie] 9:45 pm: agrees with skye
[Rod] 9:45 pm: doing things for My girl isthe same as putting honey on My biskits
[CJsHere] 9:45 pm: nods to Rod,, I quite agree,, but,, if you think about it,, and not just from the perspective of something simple like coffee once a day,, heck, could even be a movie once a month,,, We establish expectations sometimes,, regardless of our role,, with our partner,, sometimes we may not even realize we've done it,, and when we let our partner down on the expectation,, ouch,
[Rod] 9:46 pm: makes a good thing even better
[rowan-oak] 9:46 pm: agrees with bug...things don't always work out even-steven
[CJsHere] 9:46 pm: now,, let's complicate the situation just a bit,,
[Rod] 9:47 pm: I get what You are saying CJ
[Dema] 9:48 pm: patterns like that maybe arent good to start, make it random and cant disappoint?
[Dema] 9:48 pm: or be disappointed
[CJsHere] 9:48 pm: let's suppose that the Dominant gets in the habit of bringing her that coffee every day,, and again, let's assume that at some point he's says, you've been a good girl,, so why not, here's your coffee".... but now,, things are slipping just a bit in the house,, things aren't getting done quite as well as they were, yet He still brings the coffe,, now what?
[Rod] 9:48 pm: they need to talk
[rowan-oak] 9:49 pm: now He's rewarding her for poor service
[Dema] 9:49 pm: then you have a spoiled child getting rewarded and not doing what they should be
[Rod] 9:49 pm: its his fault also
[CJsHere] 9:49 pm: nods, perhaps,, but,, the talking aside,, have we now got a situation of complacency?
[skye_Rod] 9:49 pm: she doesnt feel the need to keep up.. she still gets what she wants
[CJsHere] 9:49 pm: bingo Rod! His fault too.
[Rod] 9:49 pm: yup
[CJsHere] 9:49 pm: smiles to skye, uh huh,, call it topping from the bottom,, ;)
[Rod] 9:50 pm: if Hes been accepting it
[twinkle] 9:50 pm: depending on their relationship, he may explain why the coffee is perhaps being reviewed or that she indeed is looking at a punishment, i think relationship and communication of action is key, Sir
[CJsHere] 9:50 pm: so here we are,, each week, things get just a bit worse, yet the coffee still comes,,
[Rod] 9:50 pm: they need to re evaluate
[skye_Rod] 9:51 pm: but twink.. He cant just punish her.. its His fault too
[CJsHere] 9:51 pm: Many won't see this, yet it happens all the time,, no, not just with coffee,, ;)
[Rod] 9:51 pm: they need a discussion and a reality check
[CJsHere] 9:51 pm: anyone here drive a car that's older than a few years old?
[curious_HB] 9:51 pm: and perhaps no coffee
[Rod] 9:52 pm: usually
[laynie] 9:52 pm: yes Sir
[brandie] 9:52 pm: a discussion and reality check over coffee for B/both
[skye_Rod] 9:52 pm: yes Sir.. 16 years old
[butterfly] 9:52 pm: yes Sir
[laynie] 9:52 pm: 12yrs old
[twinkle] 9:52 pm: well guess he could skye, but is why i mentioned review of the coffee and perhaps i should claify punishment for not taking care of chores, duties to be considered
[Rod] 9:52 pm: from a different century?
[skye_Rod] 9:52 pm: Sir Rod's truck is as old as i am
[skye_Rod] 9:52 pm: which is kinda cool
[Rod] 9:52 pm: older
[CJsHere] 9:52 pm: the example of the car,, you get a car,, you drive it every day,, the damn thing runs great, no problems,, and still you drive it every day, perfectly content, heck, it's paid for,, upkeep is low,, drive on,, but,,
[CJsHere] 9:53 pm: then one day, you loan your car to someone,, they drive it, return the car and say,
[CJsHere] 9:53 pm: what is wrong with you,, driving that death trap,, [Rod] 9:53 pm: never loan the car, the chainsaw or the sub
[Rod] 9:54 pm: nothing will work the same when You get it back
[skye_Rod] 9:54 pm: LOL
[CJsHere] 9:54 pm: the little things that go wrong,, you use the car all the time, you don't notice them as they change, such a small change, mile after mile.
[CJsHere] 9:55 pm: so,, the things that are going wrong, they are happening so slowly, so subtly, no, you don't notice the change,,, yet anyone else, one quick glance, they can see the problems,,
[CJsHere] 9:56 pm: that concept is the case in a lot of relationships,, not just vanilla, but D/s as well...
[Rod] 9:57 pm: W/we need to be better than that
[Dema] 9:57 pm: sometimes too close to a situation you just dont see it
[CJsHere] 9:57 pm: we sometimes need to step back a bit,, try to look at our relationships, what we're doing, how we're handling things from a different perspective, not let complacency set in,
[CJsHere] 9:57 pm: exactly Dema,
[Rod] 9:57 pm: W/we oweit to each other
[curious_HB] 9:57 pm: very true
[skye_Rod] 9:57 pm: indeed
[Rod] 9:58 pm: forest for the trees
[Matt] 9:58 pm: yeah
[CJsHere] 9:59 pm: when the Dom says,, or the girls say,, "we gotta talk",, listen to them, and when you listen, make sure you aren't too close to the trees,
[Rod] 9:59 pm: or have that chainsaw handy....
[Dema] 9:59 pm: nods
[brandie] 9:59 pm: interesting point...never heard it put that way....
[CJsHere] 10:00 pm: it's easy to do. ;)
[CJsHere] 10:00 pm: Okay,, Dom's, anything You'd like to add, or comment on?
[Dema] 10:01 pm: think I have said what I needed
[Rod] 10:01 pm: valid points CJ
[CJsHere] 10:01 pm: girls, bois,, any questions or comments you'd like to share?
[laynie] 10:01 pm: no Sir and thank You for Your time
[prescott_AJ] 10:02 pm: no Sir
[cricket_NF] 10:02 pm: No Sir..Thank You for Your time tonight...especially tonight Sir
[butterfly] 10:02 pm: no Sir thanks for a good discussion
[CJsHere] 10:03 pm: well, as always, I do appreciate your time,, and interest,, hope somehow some valid information was put out. ;)
[skye_Rod] 10:03 pm: no Sir
[brandie] 10:03 pm: thank You for You time
[twinkle] 10:04 pm: thank You Sir CJ, for the discussion Sir
[babydoll_RB] 10:04 pm: ty Sir