Note: This post is about Sub Frenzy but, like for everything else, it can apply to Doms as well. Dom Frenzy DOES exist too.
Hello, my name is Chloe and I am an unowned slave. I want a Master and I WANT IT NOW!!!!!!!
No.. not really. But how many times have we seen this happen? Someone enters the chat room, offers their service to everyone in there... Or subs that post an ad only to proudly announce a couple hours later that they are owned... Then they post a new ad a few weeks later... Because, oh surprise (!) it did not work.
This is what is commonly called «Sub Frenzy» or sometimes «Sub Fever».
Sub Frenzy often hits new and younger submissives who suddenly feel an overwhelming urge to find a Dom ASAP.
When we are new to this whole new BDSM World we can find ourselves like children in a candy store. A newbie reads about BDSM, finds getDare, read stories and see that they are not alone to feel these desires and that, yes, it's all possible to find someone to share those desires and it gets them hot. The idea of being controlled, bound, spanked is highly appealing to them and these subs begin to crave the play that comes with a D/s relationship. So next they are seeking that romantic «Fantasy Dom» that will keep them naked and chained to their bed (or computer) 24/7 in a constant state of arousal.
But Sub Frenzy can also happen to those who have been involved in the lifestyle for a while too, to submissives who just ended a relationship or even to those who are in a relationship. During this Sub Frenzy state a sub feels a desperate need to have their desires, sometimes even unrealistic fantasies, fulfilled. Some subs may go through a few short relationships and breakups and they get increasingly impatient and sick of waiting for «Master Right». Some subs who are already in a relationship can see their needs or desires grow into something specific and want that one single thing so bad that they either will «push» their current Dom to give it to them or try to seek it somewhere else. A sub who has detached from their Dom will often sooner or later project their availability and desire for a new play partner.
When these needs and desires gets too high what it does is that it alters common sense, cause them to make poor decisions and needlessly compromise their values and self-awareness just to fulfill those cravings. Too often, a person «suffering» from sub frenzy will think «I am being careful, I know I am» while going out and offering themselves to just about the first person that seem available to fulfill these desires or accept an offer from the first person they meet or even accept to be «owned and collared» within just a few hours!
But what does someone do when they want so bad to get this taste of what they are craving so badly but yet have not found «The One»? Is there even something you can do?
Yes, there are things you can do: You can prepare yourself.
- If you are all new and green to all this: EDUCATE YOURSELF. Do not wait for some Master to teach you «how to be a sub». There are some people out there who are more than willing to tell you that «their way is the right way»... But the reality is that you have to know yourself first what really interest you, what scares you, what you want... You have to have at least an idea of what you really want out of such a relationship before entering one that may not meet your needs.
- I've said this before but I think there are still many people who don't realize how helpful this can be: NETWORK. Go out there, meet and talk with other submissives and Dominants. Read, participate in discussions, ask questions. There's a wealth of information and support out there that only waits to be exploited. And as far as meeting a new Dom, you may actually find out that this can actually be a much better and effective way to do so than advertising and chat rooms. Among those who have been together for more than a few weeks/months I personally know MORE for whom it worked that way (including myself).
- Why not fill out a BDSM checklist? You don't need to wait to be owned to do so. If you are new to BDSM you will most likely find some activities in there that you have never heard of or just have a vague idea.
- Speaking of BDSM activities... If you are seeking an online relationship you may also want to learn about safety and «how-to-do» stuff. As you will most likely have to perform some things by yourself like self-bondage, self-spanking, self-wax play, etc. It's never too soon to learn the basics, especially when you will have to eventually do these things to yourself one day.
- Another idea for online subs: set a few routines for yourself. Often newbie subs really want to be controlled, have some rules set for them but once they have some in a new relationship, they find themselves overwhelmed with them as they are not prepared for it. Self-discipline is a great asset for online subs as we don't have our Doms behind us at all times to check if we do everything right.
- Do NOT compromise what is important for you. Everyone, subs and Doms alike, have their own values, expectations, limits, goals, etc. Just because you're a sub does not mean you aren't entitled to be picky! Still too many times, people who are into that frenzy state will accept to settle for less than what they need to be fulfilled and happy.
And last but not least... arm yourself with patience, a positive attitude, and respect yourself and be safe. Know that this Sub Frenzy state that you are going through is not uncommon at all. Almost everyone involved in this lifestyle have or will experience it one day.