A submissives journey 






Chapter 1
The Asj Community


Chapter 2
Resource Information 




Chapter 3
Subbie's Couch



Chapter 4
The Dom's Lounge


Chapter 5

 The Library





Chapter 6




Chapter 7

 Useful Links





Chapter 8
Members share their thoughts




Chapter 9

 Members Only





Chapter 10
Asj's Site Index



Chapter 11
Asj's Online Store




Chapter 12
Recommended Reading List



Chapter 13
Asj slave, sub Registry



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Some Rules for the submissive

[it's mutual]


1. Be patient!  A potential Dominant will let you know if she or he is interested in you or not. Keep in mind that your purpose as a submissive is to serve and to satisfy someone who will take into consideration the realization of your fantasies. Don't expect your Dominant to be able to turn on like a light switch. The timing must be right for both of you.

2. Be humble. You may be God's or Goddess' gift to the world and the most sought after prize in town, but no one needs to hear it or wants to hear it. You will have ample opportunity to show how good you are. No matter what you claim, the "real you" will show through in a scene. Don't set yourself up for failure by developing expectations that you know you and your Dominant can never reach.

3. Be open. You can learn something about BDSM and about yourself from everyone into the lifestyle, no matter how experienced or inexperienced they are, or how dominant or submissive they are. BDSM is a very personal art, and an "I already know it all" attitude will make you miss valuable lifestyle lessons and experiences, and ignore potentially valuable lifestyle friends.

4. Communicate! Verbalization is necessary, but at the appropriate time and in the appropriate way. Your Dominant needs to know basic information about you, such as experiences, fantasies, health concerns, and turn-offs. But - unless it's an emergency - wait until your Dominant asks. Don't expect your dominant to be a mind-reader who instinctively knows your needs, wants, and limits. Your cooperation will enhance the scene for both of you.



Did you know, the Asj Community hosts ‘Lifestyle Classes and Discussions’ here online every Sunday evening at 9:00 pm Eastern Time.  The Classes and Discussions are open to all and Free to attend.  Visit our Members Only Pages for more information, or click any of our “ask live” icons to ask for more information.



5. Be honest. Don't be afraid to share your needs and fantasies. Your dominant expects it. Honesty about your wants, health concerns, and turn-offs is essential to a good scene. Lying or being less than candid can only lead to problems, as the Dom{me} will base the scene on inaccurate information. Besides causing problems, it can be dangerous.

6. Be vulnerable. Your scene is a two-way street. It is not just the physical realization of your prior fantasies. If you want to limit your experience to certain physical and psychological stimulation, then contract with your Dominant ahead of time. But don't always expect your Dominant to be a puppet in a fantasy play you've written in your head. It's far better to let your Dominant surprise you, to extend your limits, to take you to places you're never been before. When you trust your Dominant completely, let her or him know it, and let him or her guide you into new fantasies.

7. Be realistic. Your dominant is human, and even the most experienced Dom{me} have moments of awkwardness and indecision. Don't call attention to what you perceive as a lapse. Know the difference between reality and the fantasy world you see in books and magazines. Few Dominants are rich enough to afford a large dungeon with a lavish layout of equipment. Your top's equipment is expensive - respect it and don't abuse it.

8. Be really submissive! This is the whole point. Let your dominant take you over completely. Don't coach or second guess or be critical of your Domiant. Exchange information on your special needs before the scene starts, but once it starts be quiet! If you insist on running a scene to your own specifications, then you should try being a Dominant. You have agreed to limitations of your own power. Stay within those limitations. Respect and obey your Dominant and expect punishment if you don't. Accept it gracefully and cheerfully. Your Dominant has many things to be concerned with, including your safety and what turns you on. Be loyal and dependable and enjoy your role.

9. Be healthy!  BDSM, like any strenuous activity, requires that its participants - both active and passive - be in top physical and emotional health. The amount you sleep, your eating habits, your alcohol and drug intake, and everyday stress affect your response and endurance during a scene. Your dominant needs to know when your physical or emotional energy is low. No matter how tempting a scene sounds, an "I want it all now" attitude when you aren't able to give your all will leave both of you feeling let down. You serve your dominant and yourself best by staying healthy.

10. Have fun! After all, sex is all about having a good time. You have earned and you are entitled to the unique, intense pleasure which comes from responsible, creative BDSM play.



Questions about the Dominant submissive  Lifestyle or the Asj web site?    Click the ask live icon to chat live or leave a message with our site host.  CJ isn't always available, but generally you can find Him here from about 8:30 - 11:00 pm Eastern time. Your questions about the site, the Asj community or just about the lifestyle in general are always welcome.  If nothing else, take a moment and tell us what you think of this feature!  



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Revised: January 21, 2015