Protocol Guide for the male submissive/slave
by Apheonix
I was asked to do some research on a
protocol for the male submissive/slave, and it was a little
difficult for me to find a protocol list for especially for males.
This is what I came up with.
I am going to start with a basic protocol
for everyone, Dominants and submissives alike.
1. Always be discrete. The
BDSM lifestyle is a private part of everyone’s life. If it
gets out that someone is involved in the lifestyle, it may cost that
person their employment, their standing in the community, as well as
possibly the custody of their children. DO NOT talk to
someone about the events that happen within the lifestyle with
someone outside of the community.
2. A ‘buffet attitude’ insults everyone!
Not everyone is available for your pleasure. It also dismisses
the person’s prerogative, loyalty, and ability to be able to choose
for themselves.
3. BDSM may or may not be sexual.
BDSM is not synonymous with swinging, swapping, or polyamory,
although it is possible for it to exist within these lifestyles.
A BDSM relationship may be entirely made up of kinky role playing
sex or may not involve sex at all. *Remember you do not have to have
sex with someone when playing. However you are also entitled to have
sex, should that be chosen for the scene/session, and the scene
rules allow it to happen.
4. If you are a novice, inform your
potential play partners. Being new doesn’t make you bad at
playing, however lying about your experience can be dangerous for
everyone. Your partners have the right to know the level of
your experience whether you are a Dom or a sub. You do not
have to do anything that you do not want to do during a scene, just
remember to be respectful when saying no.
5. Be honest about what you want.
Tell you potential partners whether it is sensation, servitude, or
both that you would like to experience. The tastes in the
lifestyle are wide and varied. It is full of sadists, masochists,
dominants, and submissives, and every combination within.
6. Ask before touching intimately.
Especially when meeting for the first time, offer a handshake.
If you would like to touch in any other manner ask. If you are
asked to touch, and feel uncomfortable say something. (I:E: “I’d
rather you didn’t”; “I don’t consent to that” ; “ I really
don’t like being touched in that way.”) It is possible that
you may get questioned as to why, but at least you are not being
touched. Always assume NO when you want to touch, that way you
remember to ask before.
7. A Dominant is not always
aggressive. You do not need to be overbearing to be a Dominant.
Many female Dominants prefer to be approached for play.
8. A submissive is not always
passive. If you are a submissive wanting to play, and no one
is asking, you may want to consider doing the asking. Sitting
quietly is typically a good sign that you are under orders to do so,
or that you are not interested in socializing or playing at the
time.
9. Accept that No means No!
No one wants to play with someone that is too pushy.
Submissives are not able to trust a Dominant that is coercive.
10. Respect alternatives.
Homophobia, racism, etc. and BDSM do not mix.
Submissive Protocol
While doing my research, I found that
there are three different levels of protocol; low, medium, and high.
Low protocol is used in an atmosphere
that is more of any easy going, laid back, casual setting where not
everyone is aware of the lifestyle. It is also what many
couples in a D/s relationship use in ‘vanilla situations’ like
family get togethers. Only to the practiced eye is the subtle
involvement noticed, but there is not doubt in the submissives mind
that it is there.
Medium protocol, is basically a step up
from low. It is still fairly easy going with a bit more of an
edge. The submissive is a little more aware of his actions and
behavior. It may involve wearing a collar at the dinner table,
being mindful and respectful to whomever may be around you. Still
being able to speak freely, so long as you are respectful.
High protocol is being instructed to
behave in a certain manner befitting to the situation. High
protocol typically means that all focus is pointed towards the
Dominant, and no communication with anyone else, unless directed and
it is allowed. The submissive would keep eyes lowered and
quiet at all times and remain in the position and place that is
instructed to be in. It is a very good way to remain focused
and to lessen stressful situations. As a submissive on high
protocol you do not think of anything except for your Dominant.
Now that you know the three levels of
protocol, here is some basic submissive protocols.
1. Use Ma’am when addressing a female
Dominant, unless another preference is stated.
2. Make yourself useful, for example,
refresh drinks, pick up trash, replace toilet paper, offer to
carry things, etc.
3. Give up your seat for a
Dominant. Sit on the floor, or stand if you have to, unless you have
a personal handicap that requires you to stay seated.
4. Open doors, pull out chairs, and such.
In other words be chivalrous and polite.
5. Help clean up after a social. In
most cases, you have been invited to someone else’s home, so how
would you feel if YOU were left with the mess.
That is about all that I have on
submissive/slave protocols. I hope that this helps everyone
that reads it, I know that it has helped me a lot doing the
research.
