Dealing With Disabilities in a BDSM Relationship
by Cheryl Williams
Anyone who is involved in BDSM will tell you that sometimes the
activities can be quite physical. Some couples are involved in the
lighter forms of BDSM, whereas other couples are involved in the more
extreme cases. Safety must always be considered in these
activities, and in the case of a dominant or submissive who is disabled,
certain considerations must be taken.
Whether you are a dominant or a submissive, respect for your partner is
essential. You must always consider your partner's state of well-being
both physically as well as mentally. If your partner is suffering from
any kind of disability, you must take this into account when engaging in
any activity.
If your submissive has problems with her knees, having her kneel for
long periods of time is damaging to her. If she has back problems, you
must always keep in mind the situations you place her in. A good
dominant will never do anything to harm his submissive.
If your dominant suffers from a disability, you must accept the
boundaries this may place upon the activities that you engage in. He may
not be able to do things that other dominants are able to do. If he has
back problems, he may not be able to stand for long periods of time. He
may not be able to be as physically demanding as he might be without his
disability.
Another point to consider is in regard to bondage. Bondage is an
activity which requires a couple to always operate within certain safety
perimeters. When one person has a disability, safety becomes even more
important.
If a submissive has a disability, the use of safe words becomes even
more essential. If something becomes too painful in any way, she can
rely on her safe word as a means of letting her dominant know the scene
needs to stop immediately. The dominant should respect this and end it
right away.
If a dominant is disabled, he must take great care when he is
restraining his submissive. The story of Sarah and Master Jay is
a perfect illustration of a bondage scene gone wrong.
Master Jay had developed a sudden back problem which greatly
inhibited his normal activities. He would only be able to walk a
few feet before his legs would go numb and actually give out on
him. Still, he was determined not to let this affect his BDSM
activities with his submissive Sarah.
One day, during a session, Master Jay restrained Sarah by
placing her in a chair and handcuffing her hands behind the
chair. He also got duct tape and wrapped it around her arms and
feet, blindfolding her. He went about the business of lightly
flogging her, moving on to more intense flogging.
Whereas this scene was very typical of their relationship, it
was something they had not done since his back injury. While
Sarah was bound, Master Jay went into the next room to get her a
drink of water. On the way, his legs went numb and he fell,
hitting his head. He went unconscious. As a result, Sarah was
trapped, bound in the chair, unable to get free...and Master Jay
was lying on the floor, unconscious. Several hours passed before
he regained consciousness. He was able to stand and walk into
the other room, and remove Sarah's restraints. By this time, she
was hysterical...but physically fine.
This was a wake-up call for Sarah and Master Jay. They realized
that they would have to start taking his disability into
consideration when planning activities. They also accepted the
fact that they would not be able to engage in some of the
activities that they did before his injury.
Dealing with disabilities within a BDSM relationship is
essential. Do not try and pretend the disability does not exist.
You can still enjoy each other if you modify your activities in
accordance with your disability.
This article is posted with permission of the author. Watch for Cheryl's new novel soon to be published, The novel deals with teenage girls, body image and self esteem. You can also find other articles by Cheryl here on the asj website, check our index page.
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