First Time For Everything: Getting Spanked
by Jessica Wakeman
My first spanking was at my 16th birthday party. My guy friends
tackled me on the kitchen floor and took turns giving me 16 spanks. And
maybe one for good luck. I don’t remember. Once freed, I was livid. I
was mortified.
And I was totally turned on
"By day, I was a women’s studies minor,
wrote a weekly feminist column for the student newspaper, and was
president of the National Organization of Women on campus. By night, I
really, really, really just wanted to be spanked."
In the years to come, I got some playful spankings, during which I
was always twisting, giggling, and trying to get out of it. My first
serious boyfriend loved to smack me on the ass as a joke, as did my
second serious boyfriend. The more I protested, laughingly telling them
to stop, the more they did it. And getting playful spanks always, always
led to making out. I look back now and see that both guys realized I
loved getting spanked long before I did.
You could say I was in denial about my spanking fetish. It wasn’t that I
thought slapping booty was abuse, nor was my starched WASP upbringing to
blame. No, the problem was my feminist sensibilities. I realize now that
the term “feminism” is vague and means different things for different
people, but when I was younger, I assumed there was a way a feminist
should think and act. So, even though I liked the feeling of getting
spanked, I felt conflicted about giving up my physical power, thinking
spanking wasn’t something an independent and opinionated woman should
enjoy. Just how, I fretted, could a partner take me seriously as a
thinker, a doer, and a creator when I wanted to be submissive to him?
What if people think I’m weird or screwed up?
But my sex drive proved mightier than my hang-ups and spanking became a
main course of my sex life—albeit a shameful one—in college. By day, I
was a women’s studies minor, wrote a weekly feminist column for the
student newspaper, and was president of the National Organization of
Women on campus. By night, I really, really, really just wanted to be
spanked. And I was, by a few different guys who, to varying degrees,
were down with giving me spankings. But I still felt kind of ashamed
because they themselves didn’t enjoy it, but they spanked me anyway
because they knew it made me happy.
When I was 21, right after I graduated from college, I began dating
Brandon, a brilliant, charismatic, confident 22-year-old. I loved how
his dominant, even arrogant, personality manifested itself between the
sheets. (Really, the only place I could put up with such a personality.)
I didn’t have to ask for him to spank or dominate me because he did it
naturally, and I didn’t feel like I was “choosing” to be submissive. But
when we broke up after nine months, I knew I wanted the next guy I dated
to be dominant in bed, like Brandon had been. I did a little Googling
about submission and spanking fetishes and discovered it was a lot of
other people’s fetishes, as well.
Fast forward a few years, and a few sexually un-fulfilling
relationships, to Charles, the first guy who made me feel like there
wasn’t anything wrong or un-feminist about wanting to be spanked. I’d
known Charles for years, so he knew about my feminist activism and the
writing I do about women’s issues. Once Charles learned about my dom/sub
fetish, he knew—and respected—how conflicted I felt. Charles wanted to
spank a woman as badly as I wanted to be spanked, and that was what
mattered to him. Plus, he’d struggled with apathetic partners, as I had,
and he owned a paddle! Alas, Charles also had a girlfriend.
Not that that stopped us. No, we were selfish: Charles cheated on his
girlfriend with me. But those few weeks were sexually charged,
passionate and wonderful. And other than feeling guilt about the
cheating, I didn’t feel ashamed about what we were doing. Getting
spanked and dominated in bed by an enthusiastic partner was the most
sexually liberating feeling of my entire life.
Eventually, Charles and I ended our relationship when he wouldn’t end it
with his girlfriend. I talked with my therapist, Dr. B, about how the
emotional part of the relationship hadn’t been right, but my sexual
chemistry with Charles had been spot-on.
However, instead of addressing how disappointed I felt that my intimate
relationship had ended, or why I was in yet another relationship with an
emotionally unavailable man, Dr. B focused on why I liked to be spanked.
She kept steering the discussion back to what being submissive must mean
in the grand scheme of things. Did I think I was bad? Did I think sex
was bad? Did I think I deserved to be punished? Was I working out my
relationship with my parents? Was it oedipal?
No, I kept telling her: I wasn’t hit as a kid, I was never abused by my
parents, I’ve never dated an abusive man, and I’d never hit my own kids.
But week after week, she’d ask me these same questions, and I’d have to
tell her, nope, I still don’t hate myself, and I still wasn’t abused as
a kid.
Eventually, our therapist-patient relationship ended, too, when I
realized Dr. B didn’t get it and likely never would. I’d gotten over my
conflict, and there she was bringing it up again. I may be a submissive,
but I wasn’t going to put up with my shrink’s judgment!
I’m still coming to terms with my feminist beliefs, and how they
interact with my desire for submissive sex, especially my spanking
fetish. At this point in my life, at 25, I finally feel comfortable
choosing to be submissive in a relationship with a man in the bedroom,
as long as he is choosing to behave in a dominant way and he respects me
outside of the bedroom. My love of a good spanking is not a conflict for
me anymore. In fact, I respect myself more than I ever did for knowing
exactly what pleases me and not being afraid to ask for it.
It took me far too many years to realize that it wasn’t very feminist of
me to police my own sexuality, to label it “good for feminism” or “bad
for feminism.” It is what it is! After I saw “Milk,” the movie about gay
rights activist Harvey Milk, I decided I wanted to be someone who
completely owns her sexuality, even if it’s not mainstream. I’m not
ashamed anymore, and I don’t have to pussyfoot around asking for what I
really want: I absolutely have to be submissive and spanked often, if
not all the time, in order to enjoy sex.
Even though my sex life is the best it has ever been, it’s more
important to me that I’ve figured out how I define my feminism for
myself. The thrills of a dom/sub relationship might not work for other
women and men who use the same “feminist” label that I do, but I’m not
worrying about them anymore. I know I can enjoy a bedroom dynamic which,
outside the bedroom, wouldn’t be acceptable. And I can still call myself
a feminist.
Did you know, the Asj Community hosts
‘Lifestyle Classes and Discussions’ here online every Sunday evening at
9:00 pm Eastern Time. The Classes and Discussions are open to all
and Free to attend.
Visit
our Members Only Pages for more information, or click any
of our “ask live” icons to ask for more information.
This website is dedicated to the belief and practice of “Absolute Submission” and “Unconditional Surrender” within the “Ancient” and “Biblical” documented and practiced “Natural Order” of women consensually submitting to men.
Examples of practices of the "Natural Order" can be found in many well known scriptures such as "The Hebrew Torah", "The Talmud", "The Holy Ouran", "The Old Testament", "The New Testament", and "The Book Of Mormon", to name a few.
This website contains absolutely No Pornography. Nothing Obscene, Threatening, Defamatory, Harmful, or Illegal. No content is in any way or form Racially, Ethnically or Morally objectionable. Nor is any content meant to Insult, Offend, or Demean. No Illegal or, Forceful, Involuntary, Unconsensual activities are encouraged or supported.
Amongst other rights, this website is protected by the Bill Of Rights and the First Amendment to the United States Constitution with the Freedom Of Religious Practices Act and the Right of Freedom Of Speech.
Due to the mature nature of this website, you MUST be of legal age of over 18 years of age to enter.
If the subject matter of this website, or the discussion thereof offends you in any way or form, or if you are not of legal age, you may not enter the website and MUST LEAVE NOW.
By entering this website you declare that you are of legal age of 18 years or older and agree to the terms and conditions of this website.
This Dominant submissive/slave lifestyle website first became active on about February 1, 2002. The Asj community has been online in one form or another since approximately early 1985.
Copyright © 1998 - 2012 [A submissives journey]. All rights reserved. Revised: February 02, 2012
.
asj online community
- Visit our online community, including our chat rooms, member profiles, blogs and more.
- For those of the Gorean (Gor) persuasion, yes the Asj chat rooms include a Gorean Chat room, considered to be a safe zone.
ask live, online
Can't find what you're looking for, have a question about the Asj community, or the lifestyle in general, click the icon to chat live with one of our site monitors. We're proud to be one of the few D/s or BDSM sites to offer this feature.
