Parents and BDSM

 

Can couples with children practice BDSM successfully? Is there any hope for the people into D/s that have kids, to enjoy themselves? Will the children force us into having a humdrum sex life until we are 50!!???

HELL NO! Being a parent by no means prevents a person from exploring a healthy sexual relationship, including BDSM activity; it just takes a little more preparation, and a tad more finesse. Being a parent, I have some real hands on experience with manipulating my sexual interests so that they fit into my lifestyle. Below are a few hints and tips that I hope will help some of the other parents out there that are interested in BDSM.

Firstly, you are an adult, and you are entitled to an adult life. You do not have to feel ashamed that you practice an alternate style of making love. Delving into your fantasies, and playing out sexual scenes with your partner is perfectly natural. Sometimes, as parents, we feel we have to live up to an invisible "standard" that we believe society holds for us. We feel that if we don't, we will be viewed as 'bad' parents. If you are private with your sexual practices, and are careful where you store your toys, there is no reason to think that BDSM would influence your children negatively.

 

Some tips for keeping your BDSM private (away from prying eyes and little hands):

 

• If your kids are young, keep toys hidden on a high shelf. If they are older, invest in a locked trunk, and keep the keys on your keychain.
• Before play, decide which parent is going to be the one to answer the door should a child come knocking. Of course, if one person is to be tied up, they won't be answering the door.
• Keep a bathrobe on the back of the door, or near the door. If you need to answer the door, you can throw this on quickly. Bathrobes will fit over most gear that you might be wearing.
• Invest in a locking doorknob for your bedroom. There is nothing wrong with being able to lock your door when you want privacy. (if you play anywhere else in the house, get a locking doorknob there as well, just be sure there is a way to unlock it from the outside in an emergency. Kids are notorious for locking themselves in and not being able to get out!)
• Teach your children to knock! Explain that you, as adults, need time to yourselves, and just like when someone is in the bathroom, it is polite to knock.

 

Secondly, achieving a balanced life is very important. You not only need to fulfill your role as a parent, but you also need to fulfill your role as YOURSELF. Taking time for yourselves as parents is essential. You will be a better parent for it. Here are my tips for keeping that balance in check.

Put aside money for hiring a babysitter as often as one night a week. These nights can be used to go out to play parties, fetish balls, or attend a munch. This enables you to connect with the BDSM community in your city, and possibly have some private or public play time.

 

Try to get an overnight sitter at least once a month. This has to be one of the hardest things to do if you don't have close relatives. If you have a babysitter that is able to take your child overnight, DO IT. To have a night to yourselves has got to be the most refreshing thing that can happen to parents. Imagine, and entire night devoted to your fantasies, and each other.

 

Take advantage of any time that you might have alone. If the kids are at a sleepover, out with their friends for the afternoon, or are busy at school, use this time for yourselves. Maybe you have a few sick days saved up at work. Steal time together for BDSM, it's fun!

 

Lastly, there are a few ways you can act out your BDSM needs and fantasies without anyone being aware of what's really going on. These things can be fun for parents, as well as people that don't have kids.

 

• Make your submissive wear something under their clothes
• piercings: nipples or genitals
• light bondage: even a silk scarf tied tightly in the right place is nice
• dildos or plugs: these can be held in place by a tight scarf tied through the crotch, of if it isn't too uncomfortable, latex panties. You can also buy a harness if you like.
• beads: anal or vaginal, a nice reminder throughout the day
• panties: sexy panties on a male or female submissive reminds them of You (these can be used as a gag later that night)
• feminine underclothes on a male submissive works well
• higher heels than usual (if you can get away with this at work or wherever you are)
• write your name on your slave's bottom or thighs in marker (or for less permanent, your cum)
• Have your sub keep their genitals shaved partially (or completely) for you
• Control your submissive during the daytime (your D/s side is no longer a vampire!)
• write out a schedule of how you expect them to spend their day, slotting time for work, chores, and other tasks
• have your submissive keep a journal. You can set out topics you want him/her to write about, or let them write whatever they please. The journal can be read together, or you might read it on your own relaxation time later.
• you could have them play with themselves (but not to orgasm) for a small period of time each day to keep them nice and horny! (This can be done in a washroom privately for a few minutes no matter where you are)
• have them spend  a certain amount of time every night will be spent preparing their bodies for you (a bath, shaving, perfuming, dressing up, etc)
• have rules on how your submissive may behave in public - should they hold your hand, or should you hold them by the wrist? -should they walk beside you at all times? - how shall they refer to you in front of others? -should they ask before they leave your side to go somewhere?
• whisper to each other lots! it's fun, and discreet (unless you are somewhere people might consider it rude) - develop tiny hand or body signals (ie. grabbing the subs wrist means 'punishment later!' or calling the sub 'honey' becomes a code word for something)
• have your submissive develop fantasies in their head during the daytime so that they can recount them to you later on in bed