Aging and Your BDSM Relationship: Growing Old and Enjoying Your Kinks
How to Enjoy Your BDSM Relationship, for Life
In a way, Aging BDSM relationships are no different at all from any
human relationships. In fact, the mere fact that your BDSM relationship
IS aging is such a positive thing! It means your are aging with a chosen
lover. The thing that IS different is that in BDSM
Relationships, our sexual play often includes implements which can,
if incorrectly or badly used, injure one or both parties. As we age
along with our partners in a BDSM Relationship, each of us may have to
deal with a disability, or, as I prefer to call them, different
abilities. That rock music you loved to crank up high enough to vibrate
windows may damage hearing. Eyesight may diminish, or cease. Strokes,
medications and a myriad of other common conditions of aging can pop
into your relationship. So, what are some things you can do in your BDSM
relationship to minimize their effect? Diminishing physical status in an
aging BDSM Relationship can be handled to enhance your long term BDSM
Relationship. How can you stay happily kinky as you age?
- Hearing Loss-
When your partner is tied to a St. Andrews cross, facing away from you,
waiting expectantly for the caress of the flogger is NOT the time to
pretend you can hear just fine, and possibly miss her cues and signals
that all is not well. Communicate! Talk with her before the scene
begins, to set up hand signals or other methods of letting you know that
she wants to end the session, or that she needs to run to the Little
Submissive’s Room. For some people, a crowded and noisy club, where
quite often loud music and other kinky players make for difficult
conversation anyway, is the perfect place to practice non-verbal
communication. One trick that works for me is that I hold a small cat
toy in my hand. If I wish to stop the scene for any reason, or just to
get my Top’s attention to ask for something different, I simply toss the
brightly -colored, lightweight ball over my shoulder – at his head! Not
really, that would be a bit much, but dropping the brightly colored ball
does the trick.
- Eyesight Issues-
- Joint Pain, Muscles and Flexibility Issues-
Ok, so everyone knows that submissives spend their entire life on their
knees, right? I mean, heck, all the books say that! Well, those are
fiction! Yep, fiction. All submissives don’t spend their lives chained
to the foot of the bed naked either, but let’s try not to wreck the
fantasy, ok? The truth is, many of us are happily aging in our BDSM
relationships, with our aging partners, and as happily aging women (or
men, I don’t want to leave the male submissives out in the cold!) we
have aches and pains, and, most of us can’t bend in those low scraping
bows, with even a modicum of grace anymore. Oh, well. We adapt.
Strategically placed pillows are wonderful for achy knees. Changing
position often helps keep muscles from freezing into painful,
uncomfortable, rock-hard blobs. One of the most wonderful things about
being with a partner for a long time, and knowing each other, is
communication skills are often developed along the way. Tell your
partner, “Uh, this is so not working for me!” and work together to find
what DOES work. Instead of a St. Andrew’s cross, position yourself
across a nice, plush, upholstered chair. Rather than cleaning the
bathroom floor on your hands and knees with his toothbrush (oops, did I
say that?), use a long handled mop! That is why mops were invented!
- Menopause-
Thank heaven for lubricants. Not all women will need additional
lubricants after menopause, and you can do some easy things to alleviate
vaginal dryness even without lubricants. Stay well hydrated. Take your
time arousing and exciting your aging and oh, so sexy BDSM partner. Take
MORE than your time, take the time to make her feel loved and
appreciated, sexy and sultry. And, for heaven’s sake, there is no shame
in needing bottled lubricant. You can even make lube application erotic,
if you relax and enjoy each other!
-Erectile Dysfunction-
Medications are one cause of erectile dysfunction,
but normally aging bodies change response as well. Again, taking the
time to arouse and excite your male partner is great, and sometimes, it
isn’t enough. But it IS enough. Men can feel aroused and excited and
sexually stimulated
without an erection. And, isn’t that why there are adult toy stores?
You can buy a fleshtone vibrator or dildo (whatever the heck fleshtone
is, I mean really, WHO’S flesh is really that awful color?) for a few
bucks at just about any adult store. Make it fun. Men are not their
penis. They have hearts and minds (and fingers, tongues, toes, elbows,
etc.) Your aging partner can use their intimate and longterm knowledge
to please you and tease you in delicious ways well into the autumn of
your BDSM Relationship.
Medical conditions and disabilities can certainly interfere in your
preferred BDSM relationship style, and often simply aging creates its
very own challenges in a BDSM relationship. I believe that the best way
to deal with changes is to face them head on, together. Being able to
adapt is a great source of comfort for everyone, and can actually lead
you into whole new worlds of fun and adventure. BDSM Relationships and
Aging don’t have to be incompatible. Everybody ages, just be sure you
choose to live until you die, and celebrate your aging BDSM
relationship, for life.
When Robert Browning wrote, “Grow old with me, the best is yet to be”,
he knew what he was talking about!
This Dominant submissive/slave lifestyle website first became active on about February 1, 2002. The Asj community has been online in one form or another since approximately early 1985.
Copyright © 1998 - 2011 [A submissives journey]. All rights reserved. Revised: November 05, 2011
.
asj online community
- Visit our online community, including our chat rooms, member profiles, blogs and more.
- For those of the Gorean (Gor) persuasion, yes the Asj chat rooms include a Gorean Chat room, considered to be a safe zone.
ask live, online
Can't find what you're looking for, have a question about the Asj community, or the lifestyle in general, click the icon to chat live with one of our site monitors. We're proud to be one of the few D/s or BDSM sites to offer this feature.