A submissives journey

What is Aftercare

by angel_thigh_high

What is aftercare and why is it so important?  Aftercare is the time taken after the  BDSM scene that brings  the submisive back to  the top out of sub space.  It's where bonding  between the Dominant and submissive takes place or perhaps a better way of putting it  is the re-enforcing of the bond between the two.  Aftercare lets both know that  for the two of them it's more than just play, more than just scening that the other  person is special.  It also  helps  in  prevent  sub drop  and Top drop,  these are  equal to post coital blues...feelings of anxiety, embarrassment, guilt or emotional  overload and also depression after a scene.

Because  of  the  emotional and  chemical  imbalances  that go on during a scene  aftercare is important, to some it is even better than the scene.  Both are usually  shook  up,  vulnerable  and  quite  emotional.  It also must be remembered that  although we hear about aftercare for the sub that the Dominant needs to receive aftercare just as much.

There is no one  way  that  guarantees  to  be  more  effective  than another each  person, each couple are different as well as each scene. What I might like during  aftercare  someone  else  may  not.  This  is  where getting  to  really  know your  partner is important.  By taking the time  and talking  and even  negotiating  a bit  before  you  really  start  scening  can  help.  Aftercare usually  involves  cuddly,  kissing, holding and sometimes leads to sex. Sometimes though the person is so  sensitive that they can't handle this so  get to  know your  partner and what they need.

Good  aftercare  can  mean the  difference between the scene being a good one  and  the submissive  feeling  confident with the Dominant and the scene being a bad one  and the sub feeling  as though  they were  just used  as a whipping  post.  Yes, I  know some enjoy  being a whipping  post  but I'm talking about those that don't.  Aftercare lets me know my  Master loves me and  cares  that  I'm alright.  If the  scene  was  particularly  intense  or  perhaps  involved punishment or humiliation good aftercare is essential.

What does aftercare for a sub include?

Of course it  includes  removing  any  ropes,  handcuffs, blindfold, toys that were  used during the scene  and  allowing  the sub to be free.   I think the first thing to  remember is that  the sub  usually is  in no condition to do much  of anything for  themselves at this time. It is important to STAY WITH THE SUB!!! As much  as this can be a bonding process, it can also break a bond if the Dominant does  not take the time and care to stay with their sub. The sub is in a highly sensitive  time right now and if they come out of sub space and the Dominant isn't around,  it  could  trigger  feelings  of  fear  and  of  abandonment.  Remember,  yes  i'm  repeating this again, usually a sub can't do things for themselves at this time. You  are their only link to reality and to safety at this time.

It can include cuddling, kissing,  holding and  possibly  intercourse depending on  the submissive. Sometimes  though  the  person is so sensitive that they can't  handle this  so get to  know your partner and what they need.  Even  if  they don't like to be  touched much afterwards, stay close sometimes just your presence is enough.

 It can include talking about  the scene,  discussing  what  each liked about it or  how  it  could  have  been  improved.  Master  and I  usually discuss how  I  felt during the  scene.

 Something to drink afterwards is always good too as both need energy afterwards.  A hot bath can be awesome and soothing, try giving each other a bath.  Some prefer just to fall asleep in each others arms.  Complimenting each other is good too, as long as it's meant. Letting the other person know that you enjoyed the scene, enjoyed being with them is always good.

Make sure that you allow time after the scene for aftercare. Don't just untie the sub and leave.  Sometimes the submissive is cold and might need to be covered with a  blanket.  Laughing together is a good way too.

What does after care for a Dominant include?

 For a Dominant?? YES!! Subs remember that the Dominant is going thru emotional and chemical changes too after a scene and can be just as shook up and emotionally wound up as you are. The include the SAME things that you want. The same things that I wrote for sub care so I'm not going to repeat them,  if need be scroll back up and look at them. This is an important part of scening.

What can you do if there is no aftercare?

 I hate to say this, but sometimes this happens. I had a Dominant who's aftercare meant me giving him head and off he went, or was that the scene. hhmm well,  not sure but either way I didn't receive any aftercare. I never really understood it until Master and I got together and talked about it. I had heard about it from others, knew I was missing something. I know after he left each time I wanted to cry, so I did. The Dominant that never gave me aftercare nor even really thought about my care after the scene didn't stay my Dominant for long...hhhmm wonder why.

Eat something light and drink something, get your strength back.  

Take a nice warm bath and relax .  Perhaps seek out a friend, especially one that is in D/s so that you can talk about your feelings with them.  Write in a journal, express your feelings.

Take a nap, cry if you feel like it.

 Now, this some of you will think is crazy. But those of you in relationship like mine know I'm not crazy. My Master and I are only online at this point in time.  We're taking our time, building a relationship, forming a bond between each other. Testing the waters. Also, things are such in our lives that right now to be together  isn't  possible.  Although  we  both  hope  someday  to  be  together.   (Master,  I love you)  But anyway, so right now our scenes are on line, gasp!!!   Yes, our scenes are only cyber right now. Believe me, those of you that are real  life.  I  KNOW cyber isn't  like  real  life,  those cyber stings just don't pack the same wallop.  But putting that aside, the emotional impact of our scenes are real.  We treat our scenes with the same attitude as if we were face to face, flogger to back.  Even  with us  only being online  it IS possible to reach a space similar to sub space. I said similar, not the same. Even after a cyber scening it is important to remember  aftercare.  My Master  and  I talk  about  the scene,  how we felt, what went on, if I would like to do  it real life.  We talk  about how do  I think I  would  react  during  a  scene  like  that  in  real life.  We  also  just  laugh  and  sometimes talk with friends too. These are important because when we are in a  hurry and don't get to take the time for aftercare.  I feel the difference in myself  afterwards and so does he.

(posted here with permission of the author, angel_thigh_high)

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